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What thrill, what suspense, what pointlessness in even showing up for the game. 
The Dark Flings
- Thread starter Remthar
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Dark Flings vs Lords of Denmork
[Inducements: Morg N Thorg (The real one this time!), Darkroot Stranglebranch, Violet evilcookies, Bludwieser Bomb]
Wally: H-hi there viewers! I’m Wally Halftoes, and t-this is the Mootcast! We’re watch the Dark Flings and some orcs today. Our guest commentator this week is retired Throw-ra Hopletss Incompetep. Cubbles would love to be here, but he received an invitation to some fancy elven thing.
Hopletss: …
Wally: …C-cold today isn’t it? B-blizards aren’t good for the Dark Flings, they really need to go for it sometimes!
Hopletss: …I am Happy to be here, Mr Wombat!
Wally: U-um… I’m Wally Halftoes…
Hopletss: …Yes, it is cold today!
Wally: O-okay, yeah. After last weeks disaster, the Dark Overcoach has hired the real Morg N thorg!
Hopletss: …I Know you are, Mr. Wombat.
Dark Overcoach: COWER BEFORE THE MIGHT OF THIS EXTRAORDINARILY EXPENSIVE OGRE! HE WON’T GO OUT IN THE OPENING MINUTES!
Wally: The Lords win the toss and decide to receive! But after kicking the ball, the Dark Flings sweep into action, enacting a perfect defence! All four big guys swarm the Orc Line! Harald Orctooth takes the first hit, just getting a hit in on Morg… Who he knocks down! A-a-and… A-a-and… P-p-p-p-p-piles… O-o-on…
Hopletss: …I feel Moggy will do well!
Dark Overcoach: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR-
Wally: M-m-morg is K-k-k- k.o’d on the first block…
Dark Overcoach: -RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG-
Wally: Dread almost falls over trying to hit an orc, and Fear takes root…
Dark Overcoach: -GGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Wally: The Orcs leave a line orc and Troll to keep Dread and Darkroot busy, send the Black orcs and Blitzers to bully the Halflings and start running the ball down the far side away from the trees…
Dark Overcoach: OPENING SECONDS!!! THE OPENING NUFFLE-FUCKING SECONDS!!!
Wally: Dread takes root, Darkroot is marked by a Lineorc. Emse is furiously trying to kick Harald Orctooth. Flings start to leave the pitch in numbers…
Hopletss: …Things are going well, Mr Wombat!
Dark Overcoach: I AM HAVING EVERYONE KILLED! EVERYONE! AT ONCE! THE WHOLE WORLD! I’LL KILL THEM ALL…!
Wally: Dread is knocked down and kicked about a bit, Esme runs away from the horde of Orcs and the drive is over. 1-0 to the Lords of Denmork!
Wally: There are six Dark Flings players, including Morg, in the K.O bin!
Dark Overcoach: YOU ALL SEE THIS?! THIS IS A BLUWIESER BOMB. NO, IT DOES NOT EXPLODE IN WONDERFUL BEER, HOW COULD IT DO THAT ANYWAY, IT’S BLUWEISER. NO, IT WILL KILL EVERYONE WHO IS STILL IN THE K.O BOX IN FIVE SECONDS.
Wally: E-Everyone leaves the K.O box!
Dark Overcoach: BETTER! NOW LUCY, SAVE THE DAY!
Lucy: Leave it to me Boss!
Wally: Despite the blizard Johnny Flayman is able to run the deep kick to Lucy! Fear throws true… but Lucy splats on the Icey pitch! Just stunned fortunately.
Dark Overcoach: *SOB*
Hopletss: …People wake up!
****
Wally: Its the second half folks, and with three big guys for a drive it should finally be time for the Dark Flings to go on a rampage!
Hopletss: …Halftime!
Wally: The Orcs kick the ball, and it lands right next to Morg on the line! …And the Orcs sprint after it and Erork the Red catches it… While standing next to Morg…
Dark Overcoach: …
Wally: M-m-morg fails to knock over Erork… halflings start to be K.oed all over the place… Esme is fortunately only Badly hurt… Morg is knocked over, but stays on the pitch! Darkrootis able to push Morg free, and Morg sprints through the Blizzard, maybe he can redeem himself! He knocks over the escaping Erork!
Hopletss: …The Orcs are green!
Wally: But Erork jumps right back up and punches back Morg… Picks up the ball from in front of Lucy Heartrender and is covered on the sideline by Frederorc II. Lucy tries to shive the orc over the sideline, but fails and is Badly Hurt… Morg is beaten back, More halflings are injured and Otho Potatoe is killed.
Hopletss: …Morg is useful!
Wally: Morg does manage to break the Neck of a rookie thrower! Then Erork scores, bring the Lords up to 2-0. Strange, where’s the Dark Overcoach? Anyway, the Dark Flings receive again, maybe they can at least score! …Fear takes root on the LOS, but Dread manages to K.O a black orc!
Hopletss: …Orcs are 2-0!
Wally: Elsie Razorslaughter tires a pass becasue why not at this stage… but she fails, the ball is covered with Orcs and the Dark Flings heart isn’t in it anymore. Darkroot Fails over tryi8nbg to hit and Orc, and the Orcs grab the ball to end the game 3-0.
Dark Overcoach: HEY MORG! YOU TOOK A DIVE TODAY MORG, DIDN’T YOU? THE ORCS PAID YOU OFF.
Wally: The Dark Overcoach was waiting for Morg near the exit!
Dark Overcoach: I HEAR YOU HAVE A GOOD PRIVATE APOTHECARY? THAT’S GOOD BECAUSE YOU’RE GOING TO NEED HIM! HOLD STILL AND GET MURDER-AXED!
Wally: Morg flees the stadium, chased by the Dark Overcoach!
[Inducements: Morg N Thorg (The real one this time!), Darkroot Stranglebranch, Violet evilcookies, Bludwieser Bomb]
Wally: H-hi there viewers! I’m Wally Halftoes, and t-this is the Mootcast! We’re watch the Dark Flings and some orcs today. Our guest commentator this week is retired Throw-ra Hopletss Incompetep. Cubbles would love to be here, but he received an invitation to some fancy elven thing.
Hopletss: …
Wally: …C-cold today isn’t it? B-blizards aren’t good for the Dark Flings, they really need to go for it sometimes!
Hopletss: …I am Happy to be here, Mr Wombat!
Wally: U-um… I’m Wally Halftoes…
Hopletss: …Yes, it is cold today!
Wally: O-okay, yeah. After last weeks disaster, the Dark Overcoach has hired the real Morg N thorg!
Hopletss: …I Know you are, Mr. Wombat.
Dark Overcoach: COWER BEFORE THE MIGHT OF THIS EXTRAORDINARILY EXPENSIVE OGRE! HE WON’T GO OUT IN THE OPENING MINUTES!
Wally: The Lords win the toss and decide to receive! But after kicking the ball, the Dark Flings sweep into action, enacting a perfect defence! All four big guys swarm the Orc Line! Harald Orctooth takes the first hit, just getting a hit in on Morg… Who he knocks down! A-a-and… A-a-and… P-p-p-p-p-piles… O-o-on…
Hopletss: …I feel Moggy will do well!
Dark Overcoach: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR-
Wally: M-m-morg is K-k-k- k.o’d on the first block…
Dark Overcoach: -RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG-
Wally: Dread almost falls over trying to hit an orc, and Fear takes root…
Dark Overcoach: -GGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Wally: The Orcs leave a line orc and Troll to keep Dread and Darkroot busy, send the Black orcs and Blitzers to bully the Halflings and start running the ball down the far side away from the trees…
Dark Overcoach: OPENING SECONDS!!! THE OPENING NUFFLE-FUCKING SECONDS!!!
Wally: Dread takes root, Darkroot is marked by a Lineorc. Emse is furiously trying to kick Harald Orctooth. Flings start to leave the pitch in numbers…
Hopletss: …Things are going well, Mr Wombat!
Dark Overcoach: I AM HAVING EVERYONE KILLED! EVERYONE! AT ONCE! THE WHOLE WORLD! I’LL KILL THEM ALL…!
Wally: Dread is knocked down and kicked about a bit, Esme runs away from the horde of Orcs and the drive is over. 1-0 to the Lords of Denmork!
Wally: There are six Dark Flings players, including Morg, in the K.O bin!
Dark Overcoach: YOU ALL SEE THIS?! THIS IS A BLUWIESER BOMB. NO, IT DOES NOT EXPLODE IN WONDERFUL BEER, HOW COULD IT DO THAT ANYWAY, IT’S BLUWEISER. NO, IT WILL KILL EVERYONE WHO IS STILL IN THE K.O BOX IN FIVE SECONDS.
Wally: E-Everyone leaves the K.O box!
Dark Overcoach: BETTER! NOW LUCY, SAVE THE DAY!
Lucy: Leave it to me Boss!
Wally: Despite the blizard Johnny Flayman is able to run the deep kick to Lucy! Fear throws true… but Lucy splats on the Icey pitch! Just stunned fortunately.
Dark Overcoach: *SOB*
Hopletss: …People wake up!
****
Wally: Its the second half folks, and with three big guys for a drive it should finally be time for the Dark Flings to go on a rampage!
Hopletss: …Halftime!
Wally: The Orcs kick the ball, and it lands right next to Morg on the line! …And the Orcs sprint after it and Erork the Red catches it… While standing next to Morg…
Dark Overcoach: …
Wally: M-m-morg fails to knock over Erork… halflings start to be K.oed all over the place… Esme is fortunately only Badly hurt… Morg is knocked over, but stays on the pitch! Darkrootis able to push Morg free, and Morg sprints through the Blizzard, maybe he can redeem himself! He knocks over the escaping Erork!
Hopletss: …The Orcs are green!
Wally: But Erork jumps right back up and punches back Morg… Picks up the ball from in front of Lucy Heartrender and is covered on the sideline by Frederorc II. Lucy tries to shive the orc over the sideline, but fails and is Badly Hurt… Morg is beaten back, More halflings are injured and Otho Potatoe is killed.
Hopletss: …Morg is useful!
Wally: Morg does manage to break the Neck of a rookie thrower! Then Erork scores, bring the Lords up to 2-0. Strange, where’s the Dark Overcoach? Anyway, the Dark Flings receive again, maybe they can at least score! …Fear takes root on the LOS, but Dread manages to K.O a black orc!
Hopletss: …Orcs are 2-0!
Wally: Elsie Razorslaughter tires a pass becasue why not at this stage… but she fails, the ball is covered with Orcs and the Dark Flings heart isn’t in it anymore. Darkroot Fails over tryi8nbg to hit and Orc, and the Orcs grab the ball to end the game 3-0.
Dark Overcoach: HEY MORG! YOU TOOK A DIVE TODAY MORG, DIDN’T YOU? THE ORCS PAID YOU OFF.
Wally: The Dark Overcoach was waiting for Morg near the exit!
Dark Overcoach: I HEAR YOU HAVE A GOOD PRIVATE APOTHECARY? THAT’S GOOD BECAUSE YOU’RE GOING TO NEED HIM! HOLD STILL AND GET MURDER-AXED!
Wally: Morg flees the stadium, chased by the Dark Overcoach!
Poor Dark Flings ... seems they are runing out of luck. And maybe Mr. Morg N Thorg is not the right Star Player for the Flings versus orcs. He must have been briebed ... ask the Dark Overcoach - he should know how this works.
Oh, I realy love this blog!
Oh, I realy love this blog!
Poor Dark Flings ... seems they are runing out of luck. And maybe Mr. Morg N Thorg is not the right Star Player for the Flings versus orcs. He must have been briebed ... ask the Dark Overcoach - he should know how this works.
Oh, I realy love this blog!
Thanks Cromm! The Flings skipped Morg for the most recent game, and got much better results! Report will be up soon.
Dark Flings vs Turf Torpedoes
[Inducements: Violet Evilcookies(chef), Darkroot, Mara the Slaughterer, Steve Darkmagic(wizard)]
Cubbles: Hi there viewers, and welcome to the Mootcast! I’m your host, cubbles Greenhill, and I’m tell you to never visit high elves. The food is terrible and they’re all dicks. Today we’re watching the Dark Flings against the famed Underworld, Turf Torpedoes! Joining me for this match is special guest Oufaq, Slann Mage-priest!
Oufaq: *Gaze of Deep Wisdom*
Translator Skink: The Great and Mighty Oufaq is pleased to be here.
Cubbles: The Turf Torpedoes most notable player must be their Troll, Donk ‘Big Grin’ Donkson, the “Donkiest” of Trolls! But also of great note is Gosta Gravling, a thrower who one day decided that he didn’t care about the ball, and started hurting people!
Oufaq: *Insightful gaze*
Translator Skink: The Great and Mighty Oufaq thinks that Mara the Slaughterer will kill them all.
Cubbles: The Torpedoes win the toss and elect to kick. As the teams get into position, the smell of Violet Evilcookies warpstone biscuits wafts through the stadium! Seems to have a good effect on the teams.
Dread: If I Grow Extra Arm, I Score More! Show That Double Decker! I Better Than Him! I Have My Own Song(See next post)!
Cubbles: The Ball flies through the air, and so does a rock! The rock strikes a Goblin on the LOS, K.Oing him!
Oufaq: *Disapproving Gaze*
Cubbles: And soon more things are flying through the air! Goblin Porkchop is sacked off the pitch and into a Big Moot Sandwich sign by Darkroot, Badly hurting him, while Fear sends the head of Larry Lederhosen flying right out of the stadium!
Dark Overcoach: THERE ARE TIMES I LOVE YOU GUYS!
Cubbles: Mara picks up the ball and runs behind the Treeline! The Torpedoes run and gently push Esme Rageslayer, but otherwise hang back. The Treeline advances, but Fear needs some encouragement to not root!
Fear: I Have Done My Job, Time For Drink!
Dark Overcoach: NO! DRINK AT HALFTIME, DRINK AT HALFTIME!
Cubbles: After an ineffectual attack on Esme from Tackling Tim, the Treeline advances again!
Dread: Hit Dread’s Music!
Cubbles: Dread almost takes root in time to his song, but the Dark Overcoach stops him!
Dark Overcoach: I WILL BREAK YOUR iBARD! KEEP MOVING!
Cubbles: But while he’s looking at Dread, Fear takes root!
Fear: I Kill Goblin! What More Do You Want?!
Dark Overcoach: NOOOO! DON’T STOP MOVING!
Oufaq: *Fazed out Gaze*
Cubbles: Esme Laugh at the rats feeble attempts to push her over, but Dread almost takes root again!
Dread, singing to himself: “Tree Rootin’…”
Dark Overcoach: I HAVE MY AXE HERE, I WILL BREAK EVERYTHING YOU LOVE!
Cubbles: Mara Hands the Ball to the waiting Lucy, who is caged! But A Goblin cunningly dodges in to BLitz her ous of the Tree Cage, where she is hit and badly hurt by a linerat!
Dark Overcoach: LUCY IS HURT!!! QUICK DOCTOR DARKNESS, GO FORTH AND HEAL!
Doctor Darkness: As you wish.
Oufaq: *Stern Gaze*
Translator Skink: The Great Oufaq is pretty sure that was illegal magic.
Cubbles: The Dark Flings are able to cover the ball, and Mara snatches it up and Charges towards the endzone! She survives the Torpedoes attacks on her, but is heavily Marked!
Dark Overcoach: DREAD! BLITZ HER FREE!
Dread, singing to himself: “Tree Rootin’…” *Takes Root*
Dark Overcoach: AAAAAAAARRRRGHGGHHGGHHHHH!
Mara: Pfft, don’t worry, I’ve got this.
Cubbles: Mara dodges away from her tackling marker, next to another rat and gives the ball to Robert Bloodskull! She then Drop-kicks him into the endzone!
Oufaq: *Joyful Gaze*
Translator Skink: After Mara’s display of brilliance, the Torpedoes only have a short while to equalise.
Cubbles: But equalize they do, with Goblin CHainmail dodgeing away from his markers to reicvie a long pass in the endzone! The First half ends 1-1
*****
Cubbles: The second half begins with the Torpedoes reicivng. Something seems wrong with Violets cooking though…
Violet: The food is mutating! I’ll hold it off, keep playing!
Cubbles: The Kick goes deep, but the Underworld thrower quickly recovers it. Receivers run deep into the Dark Flings half!
Oufaq: *Concerned Gaze*
Translator Skink: The Dread Tree smashes a Goblin that stood too close to him, and the rest of the Dark Flings ignore the recivers and try to control the midfield.
Cubbles: But Chainmail receives another long pass! He Hands it off to Tackling tim, who runs in the ball Just before Mara reaches him! Meanwhile, Dread takes root.
Dread, singing to himself: “Tree Rootin’…” *Takes Root*
Oufaq: *Pondering gaze*
Translator Skink: the score is 2-1 to the Torpedoes, but the Dark Flings are receiving again.
Cubbles: The Torpedoes only have 10 players to face a full squad of Dark Flings…
Dark Overcoach: RIGHT, I THINK WE’VE USED UP A WHOLE MATCH OF ROOTS NOW.
Dread and Fear together: “Tree Rootin’…” *both take root*
Dark Overcoach: *Starts sobbing quietly*
Oufaq: *Condescending Gaze*
Translator Skink: It is Ok, you still have Mara.
Cubbles: The trees may not be moving, but Darkroot sends another goblin bouncing off the Big Moot sandwich sign! And Fear accidentally hits Donk in the jaw while waving her arm around! Donks jaw shatters, and he is dragged off the pitch while it regenerates! Lucy has the ball and is caged!
Oufaq: *Piercing Gaze*
Translator Skink: A failed foul leaves the ball hobit exposed. But Lucy is luck enough to stay on her feet. Two Other halfling are not so lucky and are carted from the pitch.
Cubbles: But Darkroot kicks another Rat into the infirmary after them! And as the Dark Flings slowly advance up the pitch covered by Darkroot and Mara, Esme “accidentally” steps on a goblin injuring it!
Oufaq: *Cautious Gaze*
Translator Skink: Lucy Is slightly exposed to a surprise hit from Tackling Tim, but she again stays on her feet! Darkroot K.Os another rodent.
Dark Overcoach: WAIT A SECOND… WE CAN DO THIS! HIT IT STEVE!
Cubbles: Steve Darkmagic sends a massive fireball down onto the pitch, and the resulting explosion sends two Goglin hurtling into the crowd wearing only their underwear, and sets a rat on fire! The Rat runs shrieking from the pitch!
Steve Darkmagic: Three for three, bitches.
Cubbles: With only two rodents left on the pitch, Lucy is able to walk in the ball to end the match 2-2!
Oufaq: *Knowing, if cross-eyed, Gaze*
Translator Skink: The Dark Flings owe it all for Mara.
Dark Overcoach: DARKROOT, STEVE! BIG BONUSES!
Dread and Fear together: “Tree Rootin’…”
[Inducements: Violet Evilcookies(chef), Darkroot, Mara the Slaughterer, Steve Darkmagic(wizard)]
Cubbles: Hi there viewers, and welcome to the Mootcast! I’m your host, cubbles Greenhill, and I’m tell you to never visit high elves. The food is terrible and they’re all dicks. Today we’re watching the Dark Flings against the famed Underworld, Turf Torpedoes! Joining me for this match is special guest Oufaq, Slann Mage-priest!
Oufaq: *Gaze of Deep Wisdom*
Translator Skink: The Great and Mighty Oufaq is pleased to be here.
Cubbles: The Turf Torpedoes most notable player must be their Troll, Donk ‘Big Grin’ Donkson, the “Donkiest” of Trolls! But also of great note is Gosta Gravling, a thrower who one day decided that he didn’t care about the ball, and started hurting people!
Oufaq: *Insightful gaze*
Translator Skink: The Great and Mighty Oufaq thinks that Mara the Slaughterer will kill them all.
Cubbles: The Torpedoes win the toss and elect to kick. As the teams get into position, the smell of Violet Evilcookies warpstone biscuits wafts through the stadium! Seems to have a good effect on the teams.
Dread: If I Grow Extra Arm, I Score More! Show That Double Decker! I Better Than Him! I Have My Own Song(See next post)!
Cubbles: The Ball flies through the air, and so does a rock! The rock strikes a Goblin on the LOS, K.Oing him!
Oufaq: *Disapproving Gaze*
Cubbles: And soon more things are flying through the air! Goblin Porkchop is sacked off the pitch and into a Big Moot Sandwich sign by Darkroot, Badly hurting him, while Fear sends the head of Larry Lederhosen flying right out of the stadium!
Dark Overcoach: THERE ARE TIMES I LOVE YOU GUYS!
Cubbles: Mara picks up the ball and runs behind the Treeline! The Torpedoes run and gently push Esme Rageslayer, but otherwise hang back. The Treeline advances, but Fear needs some encouragement to not root!
Fear: I Have Done My Job, Time For Drink!
Dark Overcoach: NO! DRINK AT HALFTIME, DRINK AT HALFTIME!
Cubbles: After an ineffectual attack on Esme from Tackling Tim, the Treeline advances again!
Dread: Hit Dread’s Music!
Cubbles: Dread almost takes root in time to his song, but the Dark Overcoach stops him!
Dark Overcoach: I WILL BREAK YOUR iBARD! KEEP MOVING!
Cubbles: But while he’s looking at Dread, Fear takes root!
Fear: I Kill Goblin! What More Do You Want?!
Dark Overcoach: NOOOO! DON’T STOP MOVING!
Oufaq: *Fazed out Gaze*
Cubbles: Esme Laugh at the rats feeble attempts to push her over, but Dread almost takes root again!
Dread, singing to himself: “Tree Rootin’…”
Dark Overcoach: I HAVE MY AXE HERE, I WILL BREAK EVERYTHING YOU LOVE!
Cubbles: Mara Hands the Ball to the waiting Lucy, who is caged! But A Goblin cunningly dodges in to BLitz her ous of the Tree Cage, where she is hit and badly hurt by a linerat!
Dark Overcoach: LUCY IS HURT!!! QUICK DOCTOR DARKNESS, GO FORTH AND HEAL!
Doctor Darkness: As you wish.
Oufaq: *Stern Gaze*
Translator Skink: The Great Oufaq is pretty sure that was illegal magic.
Cubbles: The Dark Flings are able to cover the ball, and Mara snatches it up and Charges towards the endzone! She survives the Torpedoes attacks on her, but is heavily Marked!
Dark Overcoach: DREAD! BLITZ HER FREE!
Dread, singing to himself: “Tree Rootin’…” *Takes Root*
Dark Overcoach: AAAAAAAARRRRGHGGHHGGHHHHH!
Mara: Pfft, don’t worry, I’ve got this.
Cubbles: Mara dodges away from her tackling marker, next to another rat and gives the ball to Robert Bloodskull! She then Drop-kicks him into the endzone!
Oufaq: *Joyful Gaze*
Translator Skink: After Mara’s display of brilliance, the Torpedoes only have a short while to equalise.
Cubbles: But equalize they do, with Goblin CHainmail dodgeing away from his markers to reicvie a long pass in the endzone! The First half ends 1-1
*****
Cubbles: The second half begins with the Torpedoes reicivng. Something seems wrong with Violets cooking though…
Violet: The food is mutating! I’ll hold it off, keep playing!
Cubbles: The Kick goes deep, but the Underworld thrower quickly recovers it. Receivers run deep into the Dark Flings half!
Oufaq: *Concerned Gaze*
Translator Skink: The Dread Tree smashes a Goblin that stood too close to him, and the rest of the Dark Flings ignore the recivers and try to control the midfield.
Cubbles: But Chainmail receives another long pass! He Hands it off to Tackling tim, who runs in the ball Just before Mara reaches him! Meanwhile, Dread takes root.
Dread, singing to himself: “Tree Rootin’…” *Takes Root*
Oufaq: *Pondering gaze*
Translator Skink: the score is 2-1 to the Torpedoes, but the Dark Flings are receiving again.
Cubbles: The Torpedoes only have 10 players to face a full squad of Dark Flings…
Dark Overcoach: RIGHT, I THINK WE’VE USED UP A WHOLE MATCH OF ROOTS NOW.
Dread and Fear together: “Tree Rootin’…” *both take root*
Dark Overcoach: *Starts sobbing quietly*
Oufaq: *Condescending Gaze*
Translator Skink: It is Ok, you still have Mara.
Cubbles: The trees may not be moving, but Darkroot sends another goblin bouncing off the Big Moot sandwich sign! And Fear accidentally hits Donk in the jaw while waving her arm around! Donks jaw shatters, and he is dragged off the pitch while it regenerates! Lucy has the ball and is caged!
Oufaq: *Piercing Gaze*
Translator Skink: A failed foul leaves the ball hobit exposed. But Lucy is luck enough to stay on her feet. Two Other halfling are not so lucky and are carted from the pitch.
Cubbles: But Darkroot kicks another Rat into the infirmary after them! And as the Dark Flings slowly advance up the pitch covered by Darkroot and Mara, Esme “accidentally” steps on a goblin injuring it!
Oufaq: *Cautious Gaze*
Translator Skink: Lucy Is slightly exposed to a surprise hit from Tackling Tim, but she again stays on her feet! Darkroot K.Os another rodent.
Dark Overcoach: WAIT A SECOND… WE CAN DO THIS! HIT IT STEVE!
Cubbles: Steve Darkmagic sends a massive fireball down onto the pitch, and the resulting explosion sends two Goglin hurtling into the crowd wearing only their underwear, and sets a rat on fire! The Rat runs shrieking from the pitch!
Steve Darkmagic: Three for three, bitches.
Cubbles: With only two rodents left on the pitch, Lucy is able to walk in the ball to end the match 2-2!
Oufaq: *Knowing, if cross-eyed, Gaze*
Translator Skink: The Dark Flings owe it all for Mara.
Dark Overcoach: DARKROOT, STEVE! BIG BONUSES!
Dread and Fear together: “Tree Rootin’…”
Last edited:
Tree Rootin' Song courtesy of Larkstar and BrotherKane, who are awesome guys
(Original)
He's the Dread Tree, loves his drama
Hates Lucy, Dark Overcoach worse
He's the Dread Tree, he wants his touchdown
Hates Decker, Cos he scored first
It's been a long game, waiting for his moment
There's a dark elf, standing in his way
And he's a bad Tree, Cos he just won't listen
He's a bad tree, when he doesn't get his say
And he's Tree, Tree Rootin'
Yeah he's Tree, Tree Rootin'
All the vampires, running past his teammates
Move far from, Dread's outstretched hand
And there's Zara, failing with her tiny stakes
And the Dread Tree, is making his stand
And he's Tree, Tree Rootin'
Yeah he's Tree, Tree Rootin'
Tree Rootin', now he's Tree Rootin, now he's
Tree Rootin', now he's Tree Rootin, now he's
He wants to glide down, into the end zone
Wants to raise his, arms to the sky
Gonna Tree Root, out of frustration
Gonna leave this, game for a while
Now he's Tree, Tree Rootin'
Yeah he's Tree, Tree Rootin'
Yeah he's Tree, Tree Rootin, oh
Tree Rootin'
Yeah he's Tree, oh Tree Rootin'
(Original)
He's the Dread Tree, loves his drama
Hates Lucy, Dark Overcoach worse
He's the Dread Tree, he wants his touchdown
Hates Decker, Cos he scored first
It's been a long game, waiting for his moment
There's a dark elf, standing in his way
And he's a bad Tree, Cos he just won't listen
He's a bad tree, when he doesn't get his say
And he's Tree, Tree Rootin'
Yeah he's Tree, Tree Rootin'
All the vampires, running past his teammates
Move far from, Dread's outstretched hand
And there's Zara, failing with her tiny stakes
And the Dread Tree, is making his stand
And he's Tree, Tree Rootin'
Yeah he's Tree, Tree Rootin'
Tree Rootin', now he's Tree Rootin, now he's
Tree Rootin', now he's Tree Rootin, now he's
He wants to glide down, into the end zone
Wants to raise his, arms to the sky
Gonna Tree Root, out of frustration
Gonna leave this, game for a while
Now he's Tree, Tree Rootin'
Yeah he's Tree, Tree Rootin'
Yeah he's Tree, Tree Rootin, oh
Tree Rootin'
Yeah he's Tree, oh Tree Rootin'
Nice! How many 'take roots' were that in one match?
... and I even spend half of my vacation last week and read the full Ulthuan Heroes blog. It as good as the Dark Fling's. I realy enjoy your way of developing all this quirky characters and the cross references ... lattuce for poor Cubbles!
How many 'take roots' were that in one match?... and I even spend half of my vacation last week and read the full Ulthuan Heroes blog. It as good as the Dark Fling's. I realy enjoy your way of developing all this quirky characters and the cross references ... lattuce for poor Cubbles!
Nice!
... and I even spend half of my vacation last week and read the full Ulthuan Heroes blog. It as good as the Dark Fling's. I realy enjoy your way of developing all this quirky characters and the cross references ... lattuce for poor Cubbles!
Thanks Cromm
That was 8/18 take roots failed that match, yet somehow its still been the best match of the season...
Last edited:
Dark Flings vs Engines of Elfhate
[Inducements: Darkroot, Mara the Slaughterer, Bribe]
Cubbles: Hi there viewers, and welcome to the MootCast! I’m Cubbles Greenhill and with me today is the “great” Meep Snivelscribbler!
Meep: Is So happy-big-much to be here again Cubbles-thing! Unable to get bowl-blood work-writing, have to cover Green-orc-thing tennis tournament! It not as interesting as it sound! Poor Meep…
Cubbles: Well the Dark Flings will be facing so high elves this week Meep, look here they come now.
Meep: Elf-things look spikey-much for fancy-elfs…
Cubbles: Hm? You’re right, that is odd… Wait a second, are they…? One moment, I’m being handed a message…
Meep: Meep pretty sure-big that poncy-elf-things not have lady elf-things with such big hair and angry!
Cubbles: Ummm, I’m told there has been a change. These aren’t some High Elves… They’re the Engine of Elfhate! I’ve heard of them from the Crunch Cup, Dark Elves who hate and loathe all elves, especially themselves! They have no team spirit whatsoever and have murdered their own apothecary for saving elves from death! I’m told they killed all the High Elves they were on their way here today!
Meep: Meep is scared. Witch things, and two assassin-stabby-things! Much sidestep-blitzer! Chef-hobbit-lady no use against such hate!
Dark Overcoach: WHAT?! TINY FUCKING KNIVES AGAIN?! WE WILL TAKE THEM OFF OF YOU AND SHOVE THEM IF YOU AS HIGH AS WE CAN REACH! …AND STOP COWERING DREAD, THEY’RE ONLY TINY FUCKING KNIVES!
Dread: Keep Stabbers Away!
Cubbles: Dread has taken Root before the Engines have even kicked the ball!
Violet: There is nothing I can tempt such elves with!
Dark Overcoach: DISTRACT THE REF THEN, ESME YOU’RE ON!
Cubbles: Esme kicks the elf Ihatemyself, but does no damage!
Esme: How do I kick them though the spikes?!
Meep: Other Hobbit-fat-thing try to hit line-elf-thing. Break self instead, much-stupid. Mara-thing have ball though!
Cubbles: Assassin Gotmyownspecialskill tries to stab Esme, but fails!
Dark Overcoach: DUCK ESME!
Cubbles: The Delfs walk around the Dark Fling defence, and in the case of Blitzer Whylearntoplay, though the middle of it!
Meep: But fat-dark-things keep going! Esme-she-fling take assassin Gotmyownspecialskill tiny knife! Stab him with it!
Dark Overcoach: HAHAHA! THATS THE WAY YOU DEAL WITH TINY FUCKING KNIVES!
Cubbles: The Dark Elves fight their way into the “Cage” around Mara, and have her marked. Fear injures Ihatemyself, but Mara doesn’t escape the Elves! She goes down K.Oed to the first hit, and the ball bounces off Johnny flaymans head and is caught by Whylearntoplay. Who runs off and scores. But not before Esme injures another lineself, Armouredelfiswrong! The Ref seems about to do something about Esme, until Violet Evilcookies maims him with one of her famed exploding sticky-buns!
Dark Overcoach: I HATE ELVES!
Engine of Elfhate coach: Elves are such bastards.
Meep: Fat-things recive again! Ball is kick deep-far-high! Fat-stupid Robert-bloodskull catch ball-thing is endzone.
Cubbles: The Trees need to be next to Lucy here for the throw! Which is why they’re walking away…?
Dark Overcoach: DREAD, THROW LUCY FOR FUCKS SAKE!
Dread: Ok, I Throw! I… Ow!
Meep: Dread-wood-thing trip and fall. Much-big-dumb. Half End.
*****
Cubbles: Welcome back to the second half viewers! The Dark Flings kick to the Engine of Elfhate, and the kick is so short it lands in the LOS! Assassin Stillbetterthanyourplayers catches it right in front of Dread! The Elves dodges away and rush down the left side!
Meep: Dread-thing K.O Witch-bitch-elf-thing, then Mara run to stab-stake other witch-thing! Go Mara-thing, Goooo!… she fail.
Dark Overcoach: ARGH!
Cubbles: The Elves keep going, but Mara is able to Jump to here Feet and run after them for another try!
Meep: Which she also fail! Knock herself unconscious when try to run fast. Elf Score.
Dark Overcoach: ARARARRAGH!
Meep: Over-Dark-Coach-Thing not screaming so loud-much as normal?
Cubbles: I think he must have a sore throat by now.
Meep: Elf-things kick! Fear-tree-wood-thing fall over! All Half-things facepalm! Forget to pick up ball!
Cubbles: The elves don’t get to the ball though, and Lucy runs to Dread, who throws here and she lands! Still in range of the elves retribution sadly.
Dread: See, I throw safe! *Loud Whisper* Get Her Spike Elfs…*
Dark Overcoach: WHAT ARE YOU DOING DREAD?!!
Dread: Not Worry, I Recover Ball From Them, Score.
Dark Overcoach: YOU’VE ALREADY TAKEN ROOT!
Dread: Oh.
Cubbles: Lucy is wrestled to the ground, and a little passing later its sailing downfield in the hands of Blitzer Candoeverything. Esme is K.Oed by Justneedtonotrollones and Lucy tries to foul witch elf Alreadyhaveeverything as the Engines score.
Meep: Half-moron-things have one last chance for throw-score for dignity! Dread-wood-thing fall over instead. Fail to hit Elf-spike-thing Whyhaveweaknesses.
Dark Overcoach: ARARARGHGEAGHGHGAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!
Cubbles: Lucy gets the ball to a cage anyway, but Dread takes root as he stands. Lucy is safely caged… until an elf dodges into the middle and knocks over Lucy! Johnny Flayman catches the ball. Witch not time left to steal the ball again, the elves turn to hateful violence and murder Harriet Killcrunch! Whylearntoplay is sent off the pitch to safety, and Esme tries to get vengeance on Justneedtonotrollones, but only manages to badly hurt him. The Match is over 3-0 to Engine of Elfhate!
(Sorry for the long delay with this one, real life has been difficult lately.)
[Inducements: Darkroot, Mara the Slaughterer, Bribe]
Cubbles: Hi there viewers, and welcome to the MootCast! I’m Cubbles Greenhill and with me today is the “great” Meep Snivelscribbler!
Meep: Is So happy-big-much to be here again Cubbles-thing! Unable to get bowl-blood work-writing, have to cover Green-orc-thing tennis tournament! It not as interesting as it sound! Poor Meep…
Cubbles: Well the Dark Flings will be facing so high elves this week Meep, look here they come now.
Meep: Elf-things look spikey-much for fancy-elfs…
Cubbles: Hm? You’re right, that is odd… Wait a second, are they…? One moment, I’m being handed a message…
Meep: Meep pretty sure-big that poncy-elf-things not have lady elf-things with such big hair and angry!
Cubbles: Ummm, I’m told there has been a change. These aren’t some High Elves… They’re the Engine of Elfhate! I’ve heard of them from the Crunch Cup, Dark Elves who hate and loathe all elves, especially themselves! They have no team spirit whatsoever and have murdered their own apothecary for saving elves from death! I’m told they killed all the High Elves they were on their way here today!
Meep: Meep is scared. Witch things, and two assassin-stabby-things! Much sidestep-blitzer! Chef-hobbit-lady no use against such hate!
Dark Overcoach: WHAT?! TINY FUCKING KNIVES AGAIN?! WE WILL TAKE THEM OFF OF YOU AND SHOVE THEM IF YOU AS HIGH AS WE CAN REACH! …AND STOP COWERING DREAD, THEY’RE ONLY TINY FUCKING KNIVES!
Dread: Keep Stabbers Away!
Cubbles: Dread has taken Root before the Engines have even kicked the ball!
Violet: There is nothing I can tempt such elves with!
Dark Overcoach: DISTRACT THE REF THEN, ESME YOU’RE ON!
Cubbles: Esme kicks the elf Ihatemyself, but does no damage!
Esme: How do I kick them though the spikes?!
Meep: Other Hobbit-fat-thing try to hit line-elf-thing. Break self instead, much-stupid. Mara-thing have ball though!
Cubbles: Assassin Gotmyownspecialskill tries to stab Esme, but fails!
Dark Overcoach: DUCK ESME!
Cubbles: The Delfs walk around the Dark Fling defence, and in the case of Blitzer Whylearntoplay, though the middle of it!
Meep: But fat-dark-things keep going! Esme-she-fling take assassin Gotmyownspecialskill tiny knife! Stab him with it!
Dark Overcoach: HAHAHA! THATS THE WAY YOU DEAL WITH TINY FUCKING KNIVES!
Cubbles: The Dark Elves fight their way into the “Cage” around Mara, and have her marked. Fear injures Ihatemyself, but Mara doesn’t escape the Elves! She goes down K.Oed to the first hit, and the ball bounces off Johnny flaymans head and is caught by Whylearntoplay. Who runs off and scores. But not before Esme injures another lineself, Armouredelfiswrong! The Ref seems about to do something about Esme, until Violet Evilcookies maims him with one of her famed exploding sticky-buns!
Dark Overcoach: I HATE ELVES!
Engine of Elfhate coach: Elves are such bastards.
Meep: Fat-things recive again! Ball is kick deep-far-high! Fat-stupid Robert-bloodskull catch ball-thing is endzone.
Cubbles: The Trees need to be next to Lucy here for the throw! Which is why they’re walking away…?
Dark Overcoach: DREAD, THROW LUCY FOR FUCKS SAKE!
Dread: Ok, I Throw! I… Ow!
Meep: Dread-wood-thing trip and fall. Much-big-dumb. Half End.
*****
Cubbles: Welcome back to the second half viewers! The Dark Flings kick to the Engine of Elfhate, and the kick is so short it lands in the LOS! Assassin Stillbetterthanyourplayers catches it right in front of Dread! The Elves dodges away and rush down the left side!
Meep: Dread-thing K.O Witch-bitch-elf-thing, then Mara run to stab-stake other witch-thing! Go Mara-thing, Goooo!… she fail.
Dark Overcoach: ARGH!
Cubbles: The Elves keep going, but Mara is able to Jump to here Feet and run after them for another try!
Meep: Which she also fail! Knock herself unconscious when try to run fast. Elf Score.
Dark Overcoach: ARARARRAGH!
Meep: Over-Dark-Coach-Thing not screaming so loud-much as normal?
Cubbles: I think he must have a sore throat by now.
Meep: Elf-things kick! Fear-tree-wood-thing fall over! All Half-things facepalm! Forget to pick up ball!
Cubbles: The elves don’t get to the ball though, and Lucy runs to Dread, who throws here and she lands! Still in range of the elves retribution sadly.
Dread: See, I throw safe! *Loud Whisper* Get Her Spike Elfs…*
Dark Overcoach: WHAT ARE YOU DOING DREAD?!!
Dread: Not Worry, I Recover Ball From Them, Score.
Dark Overcoach: YOU’VE ALREADY TAKEN ROOT!
Dread: Oh.
Cubbles: Lucy is wrestled to the ground, and a little passing later its sailing downfield in the hands of Blitzer Candoeverything. Esme is K.Oed by Justneedtonotrollones and Lucy tries to foul witch elf Alreadyhaveeverything as the Engines score.
Meep: Half-moron-things have one last chance for throw-score for dignity! Dread-wood-thing fall over instead. Fail to hit Elf-spike-thing Whyhaveweaknesses.
Dark Overcoach: ARARARGHGEAGHGHGAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!
Cubbles: Lucy gets the ball to a cage anyway, but Dread takes root as he stands. Lucy is safely caged… until an elf dodges into the middle and knocks over Lucy! Johnny Flayman catches the ball. Witch not time left to steal the ball again, the elves turn to hateful violence and murder Harriet Killcrunch! Whylearntoplay is sent off the pitch to safety, and Esme tries to get vengeance on Justneedtonotrollones, but only manages to badly hurt him. The Match is over 3-0 to Engine of Elfhate!
(Sorry for the long delay with this one, real life has been difficult lately.)
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Have you managed a single TTM since you got Lucy? I reckon Dread's got nothing to worry about really.
Not a TTM that led to a score. Pretty sure the Dark Flings have on ever made a single OTTD, and successfully thrown for a score during a drive a couple of times. Murderous they may be, but their aerial game is utter crap.
Dark Flings vs The Warriors
[Inducements: All of them. Florg the VII(morg), Darkroot, Violet(chef), three bribes, Steve Darkmagic, two babes, two extra apos, two extra rerolls, and a solid gold partridge in a pear tree!]
Cubbles: Hi there viewers, I’m Cubbles Greenhill and welcome to matchday five of the OCC! I’m joined today by Boffar Talebellower, a drunken norse lunatic. The Dark Flings will be facing The Warriors, and wow are they monsters! The Dark Flings have so many inducements for this match they can barely spend them all!
Boffar: Boffar is amazed at this extravagance! The Dark Overcoach has induced the rare ‘Coaching staff jacuzzi’ inducement! Boffar is envious!
Cubbles: Not to mention the solid gold partridge next to him!
Boffar: They even hired the prettiest of pro elf cheerleaders for the match!
Cheer squad: D! A! K! …E?! F! L! …E?! J! … DARK FLINGS! YAY!
Cubbles: Not the smartest though.
Boffar: And still more manly then the average pro elf player! Heh heh heh…
Cubbles: The Dark Flings have rehired Morg… wait, I’m told that this is another mutant halfling, Florg the VII.
Boffar: Boffar hopes that he is killed! After slaughtering many beastmen of course! Heh heh heh heh…
Cubbles: I’m sure he will Boffar! But something doesn’t look right with the Dark Overcoach down there… he doesn’t look happy in the jacuzzi, even surrounded by Bludweiser Babes.
Dark Underassistant: Ahem! The Great and terrible Dark Overcoach of the Dark Flings and Tyrannt of the Dark Moot has temporarily lost his voice after screaming at so much failure recently. I will be relaying his messages! So… *Ahem* “Do not fuck this up Dread.”
Dread: Today Is Day, I feel It!
Boffar: The Dark Flings win the toss and will receive. Boffar hopes they will kill people today, before failing pathetically!
Cubbles: A mid kick is collected by Lucy, and Dread puts a Beastman called Mercy on the ground! Esme seems to show him some, as he’s only stunned! But Florg VII races forwards and K.Os a beastman! Maybe this one has what it takes!
Boffar: The Warrior attack a halfling, then try to flee a Tree! WEAKNESS! The coward trips over his own cowardice!
Cubbles: This time Esme shows Mercy none, and badly hurts him! Florg Stuns a beast, and the Dark Flings move slowly up the left, led by Dread!
Dread: This Way! It Goes To The Endzone! I Take US There! I Score!
Boffar: The Chaos Minotaur knocks over Florg Creature, but it lives!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Oh my Gods, That’s a first.”
Boffar: The little halflings do not stop, Esme Rageslayer breaks a super-beastmans leg!
Cubbles: Strong as a black orc, nimble as an elf… and there are two of them!
Boffar: Not for a while! Heh heh heh!
Cubbles: The Warriors regroup and get behind the Dark Fling Treeline, Beastman Vermin marking Lucy!
Boffar: But Esme Rageslayer does not care! She blitzes him, breaks his knee so that he drops to her height, then she kills him with a headbut! Would it be creepy if Boffar proposed to a halfling?!
Cubbles: With five of the chaos players marking him Dread takes root!
Dread: Leave Me! I Hold Them Off! Score!
Cubbles: Lucy apparently doesn’t need to be told twice! She runs to the right, covered by Darkroot and Florg VII! A beastman of increble speed almost chases her down, but she stays on her feet with the help of Robert Bloodskull and escapes to safety as Florg Vii, Darkroot and Esme hold off the chaos horde!
Boffar: The Chaos knock over Dread and try to kill him, but they cannot even chop firewood!
Cubbles: Lucy almost throws away the score when Bloodskull fluffs a handoff, but Lucy recovers the ball herself for the score! 1-0 Dark Flings!
Boffar: The Warriors do not have enough time on the clock to score! …Until their fans riot on the pitch! The Ref turn back the clock! He is then killed by a solid gold Partridge throw by the Dark Overcoach! Heh heh heh!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Aaaaaaaargh.”
Cubbles: The Warrior collect the short kick, and rush down the left, passing the ball to a many-armed warrior! Florg is able to dodge away from a marker to hit the Warrior, but fails to bring him down! Haflings rush into place to mark the chaos as best they can, even Lucy marks a beastman!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Hit it, Steve”
Cubbles: The Warrior goes down to a lightening bolt, and the ball is caught by Elsie Razorslaughter! But the Warrior leaps to his feet and K.Os Elsie! But the ball bounces out of bounds, and is thrown in right next to Fear! The Warriors can to nothing to get it, but the beastman marking Lucy badly hurts her! One of the many spare Apos heals her up for the second half.
Boffar: Boffar is disturbed by the fact that there is only a single maimed halfling!
*****
Cubbles: Welcome back to the second half! The Dark Flings kick to the warriors, who collect the deep kick and run several players deep into the Dark Fling half!
Boffar: They knock over Florg on the way, but he remains unbroken!? Boffar was promised he died at the drop of a hat! Florg leaps up a Stuns the weakling Minotaur!
Cubbles: But the Dark Flings are unable to stop the chaos from passing and handing off the ball for a rapid score! Score is 1-1!
Boffar: Boffar is bored!
Cubbles: Boffar? Where are you…? Boffar is invading the pitch as the Warrior kick to the Dark Flings! He stuns three beastmen in a line on his way to tackle the Dread Tree to the ground, and the crowd knocks over several halflings! Lucy is able to collect the ball and stay out of reach of the Chaos, but the Minotaur knocks down Darkroot!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Aaaaaaaargh.”
Cubbles: Florg VII blitzes to try and make space for Lucy, but falls down himself instead!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Aaaaaaaargh.”
Cubbles: The Dark Overcoach seems upset he only induced one Solid Gold Partridge, he’s looking for something to throw! Dread is brought down now, and Lucy Is injured, though saved by Doctor Darkness. All the Dark Flings are mark and all bar Esme and Fear are on the ground!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Aaaaaaaargh.”
Cubbles: Esme is stunned, Florg trips on a desperate dodging blitz and Fear is knocked down too!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Aaaaaaaargh.”
Cubbles: Esme is is K.Oed on a foul, Fear is stunned from one then K.Oed, the Warriors score and the Ref just glares at the Dark Overcoach for murdering his predecessor! 2-1 to the Warriors!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Aaaaaaaargh.”
Cubbles: The Dark Overcoach has recovered his Golden Partridge, but misses the ref and hits esme Rageslayer with it! Fortunately she is only badly hurt!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Aaaaaaaargh.”
Cubbles: Lucy is thrown with the ball, but she lands a mile from the endzone. Match ends 2-1 to the Warriors!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Aaaaaaaargh.”
Cheer leading squad: Go Derp Flings! Yay!
Nearly up to date now.
[Inducements: All of them. Florg the VII(morg), Darkroot, Violet(chef), three bribes, Steve Darkmagic, two babes, two extra apos, two extra rerolls, and a solid gold partridge in a pear tree!]
Cubbles: Hi there viewers, I’m Cubbles Greenhill and welcome to matchday five of the OCC! I’m joined today by Boffar Talebellower, a drunken norse lunatic. The Dark Flings will be facing The Warriors, and wow are they monsters! The Dark Flings have so many inducements for this match they can barely spend them all!
Boffar: Boffar is amazed at this extravagance! The Dark Overcoach has induced the rare ‘Coaching staff jacuzzi’ inducement! Boffar is envious!
Cubbles: Not to mention the solid gold partridge next to him!
Boffar: They even hired the prettiest of pro elf cheerleaders for the match!
Cheer squad: D! A! K! …E?! F! L! …E?! J! … DARK FLINGS! YAY!
Cubbles: Not the smartest though.
Boffar: And still more manly then the average pro elf player! Heh heh heh…
Cubbles: The Dark Flings have rehired Morg… wait, I’m told that this is another mutant halfling, Florg the VII.
Boffar: Boffar hopes that he is killed! After slaughtering many beastmen of course! Heh heh heh heh…
Cubbles: I’m sure he will Boffar! But something doesn’t look right with the Dark Overcoach down there… he doesn’t look happy in the jacuzzi, even surrounded by Bludweiser Babes.
Dark Underassistant: Ahem! The Great and terrible Dark Overcoach of the Dark Flings and Tyrannt of the Dark Moot has temporarily lost his voice after screaming at so much failure recently. I will be relaying his messages! So… *Ahem* “Do not fuck this up Dread.”
Dread: Today Is Day, I feel It!
Boffar: The Dark Flings win the toss and will receive. Boffar hopes they will kill people today, before failing pathetically!
Cubbles: A mid kick is collected by Lucy, and Dread puts a Beastman called Mercy on the ground! Esme seems to show him some, as he’s only stunned! But Florg VII races forwards and K.Os a beastman! Maybe this one has what it takes!
Boffar: The Warrior attack a halfling, then try to flee a Tree! WEAKNESS! The coward trips over his own cowardice!
Cubbles: This time Esme shows Mercy none, and badly hurts him! Florg Stuns a beast, and the Dark Flings move slowly up the left, led by Dread!
Dread: This Way! It Goes To The Endzone! I Take US There! I Score!
Boffar: The Chaos Minotaur knocks over Florg Creature, but it lives!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Oh my Gods, That’s a first.”
Boffar: The little halflings do not stop, Esme Rageslayer breaks a super-beastmans leg!
Cubbles: Strong as a black orc, nimble as an elf… and there are two of them!
Boffar: Not for a while! Heh heh heh!
Cubbles: The Warriors regroup and get behind the Dark Fling Treeline, Beastman Vermin marking Lucy!
Boffar: But Esme Rageslayer does not care! She blitzes him, breaks his knee so that he drops to her height, then she kills him with a headbut! Would it be creepy if Boffar proposed to a halfling?!
Cubbles: With five of the chaos players marking him Dread takes root!
Dread: Leave Me! I Hold Them Off! Score!
Cubbles: Lucy apparently doesn’t need to be told twice! She runs to the right, covered by Darkroot and Florg VII! A beastman of increble speed almost chases her down, but she stays on her feet with the help of Robert Bloodskull and escapes to safety as Florg Vii, Darkroot and Esme hold off the chaos horde!
Boffar: The Chaos knock over Dread and try to kill him, but they cannot even chop firewood!
Cubbles: Lucy almost throws away the score when Bloodskull fluffs a handoff, but Lucy recovers the ball herself for the score! 1-0 Dark Flings!
Boffar: The Warriors do not have enough time on the clock to score! …Until their fans riot on the pitch! The Ref turn back the clock! He is then killed by a solid gold Partridge throw by the Dark Overcoach! Heh heh heh!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Aaaaaaaargh.”
Cubbles: The Warrior collect the short kick, and rush down the left, passing the ball to a many-armed warrior! Florg is able to dodge away from a marker to hit the Warrior, but fails to bring him down! Haflings rush into place to mark the chaos as best they can, even Lucy marks a beastman!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Hit it, Steve”
Cubbles: The Warrior goes down to a lightening bolt, and the ball is caught by Elsie Razorslaughter! But the Warrior leaps to his feet and K.Os Elsie! But the ball bounces out of bounds, and is thrown in right next to Fear! The Warriors can to nothing to get it, but the beastman marking Lucy badly hurts her! One of the many spare Apos heals her up for the second half.
Boffar: Boffar is disturbed by the fact that there is only a single maimed halfling!
*****
Cubbles: Welcome back to the second half! The Dark Flings kick to the warriors, who collect the deep kick and run several players deep into the Dark Fling half!
Boffar: They knock over Florg on the way, but he remains unbroken!? Boffar was promised he died at the drop of a hat! Florg leaps up a Stuns the weakling Minotaur!
Cubbles: But the Dark Flings are unable to stop the chaos from passing and handing off the ball for a rapid score! Score is 1-1!
Boffar: Boffar is bored!
Cubbles: Boffar? Where are you…? Boffar is invading the pitch as the Warrior kick to the Dark Flings! He stuns three beastmen in a line on his way to tackle the Dread Tree to the ground, and the crowd knocks over several halflings! Lucy is able to collect the ball and stay out of reach of the Chaos, but the Minotaur knocks down Darkroot!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Aaaaaaaargh.”
Cubbles: Florg VII blitzes to try and make space for Lucy, but falls down himself instead!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Aaaaaaaargh.”
Cubbles: The Dark Overcoach seems upset he only induced one Solid Gold Partridge, he’s looking for something to throw! Dread is brought down now, and Lucy Is injured, though saved by Doctor Darkness. All the Dark Flings are mark and all bar Esme and Fear are on the ground!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Aaaaaaaargh.”
Cubbles: Esme is stunned, Florg trips on a desperate dodging blitz and Fear is knocked down too!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Aaaaaaaargh.”
Cubbles: Esme is is K.Oed on a foul, Fear is stunned from one then K.Oed, the Warriors score and the Ref just glares at the Dark Overcoach for murdering his predecessor! 2-1 to the Warriors!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Aaaaaaaargh.”
Cubbles: The Dark Overcoach has recovered his Golden Partridge, but misses the ref and hits esme Rageslayer with it! Fortunately she is only badly hurt!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Aaaaaaaargh.”
Cubbles: Lucy is thrown with the ball, but she lands a mile from the endzone. Match ends 2-1 to the Warriors!
Dark Underassistant: *Ahem* “Aaaaaaaargh.”
Cheer leading squad: Go Derp Flings! Yay!
Nearly up to date now.
I think I might be in love with Esme...
Dark Flings vs Wee Wannabees of Woo
[Inducements: Darkroot, Violet, Mara, Tiny Fucking Knife(Bribe)]
Cubbles: Hi there viewers, and welcome to matchday 6 of the OCC on the MootCast! I’m Cubbles Greenhill and with me today is the great and wise Slann Magepreist Oufaq!
Oufaq: *Welcoming Gaze*
Cubbles: Its great to have you as always Great Oufaq, but I’m surprised your staying here in the capital so long. Don’t you miss the peace and serenity of the Jungles of Lustria?
Oufaq: *Understanding and Deep Gaze*
Translator skink: The Great Oufaq maintains a great sense of personal peace even within the hustle and bustle of the modern city. Indeed, it is his great mission to bring this peace and personal wellbeing to all peoples of Altdwarf.
Oufaq: *Peaceful Gaze*
Translator skink: The Great Oufaq offers meditation and yoga classes, as well has speaking in many private conferences on world peace and harmony.
Cubbles: As well as watching Bloodbowl.
Oufaq: *Harmonious Gaze*
Cubbles: Well, the teams are set up, with the Wannabes receiving. Violets cooking up a storm again today!
Violet Evilcookies: Rats are so easy to cook! I mean cook for…
Cubbles: The Woo look good at first injuring Nancy Fearbane, but then Distater strikes in the form of super-strong Rat Ogre Voilbam! Voilbam goes down attempting to hit Darkroot, leaving the ball covered but still on the ground! Esme tries to follow up, but only stuns the monster!
Oufaq: *Knowledgeable Gaze*
Translator skink: The Rats collect the ball and rush it forwards… too rapidly! As Gutter Runner squeak gos for it, he trips and falls!
Cubbles: Ivan Terrorstab rushes to the ball and grabs it! Mara and Elsie Razorslaughter team up to shove the Wannabees Star Gutter Runner from the pitch, and the rest of the team covers!
Dark Overcoach: WHAT? IS SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENING TO US?!
Cubbles: Darkroot removes a linerat and the Dark Flings rush the ball up to the middle, where Fear takes root.
Fear: All Is Good, Time For Celebration Drink!
Oufaq: *Tranquil Gaze*
Translator skink: After a couple of tries Esme Rageslayer manages to badly hurt Violbam, but the Rats Apothecary druggs him up and gets him on his feet again.
Cubbles: The Woo try to assault the Dark Flings cage, but are not able to stop Ivan’s slow advance! Esme removes a linerat from the field, and indeed from this existence! …And Darkroot sends a thrower hurtling after him!
Dark Overcoach: HAHAHAHAHA! SPLAT THE RATS! THIS IS THE WAY!
Oufaq: *Gentle Gaze*
Translator skink: Ivan Terrorstab starts his run up the feild, covered by Dread and Esme! The rats try to pressure the ball, but just can’t seem to touch the halflings. Ivan Runs the ball in at the last minute! 1-0 Dark Flings.
Dark Overcoach: I FEEL JOY AGAIN!
*****
Cubbles: Welcome back viewers! The second half is about to start, and if you thought Violets cooking was good in the first half, you haven’t seen anything yet!
Violet: Comfort cheesy nibbles! Everyone loves them, especially skaven!
Cubbles: The kick is a touchback, and Mara is given the ball!
Oufaq: *Contemplative Gaze*
Translator skink: To give the ball to Mara is wise, declares the mighty Oufaq! The Fear tree seems happy with the diraection things are going.
Fear: We Got This Guys! Time For A Drink! *Takes Root*
Dark Overcoach: NRRRRRGGHHHH….
Cubbles: Esme injures another rat while Fear K.O one! Where is the ref…?
Oufaq: *Enlightening Gaze*
Translator skink: Over there, with a tiny knife in his back.
Cubbles: Violbam has had enough! He’s going to turn this around for the Woo! He Chrages Dread! …Dread kills him stone DEAD!
Dread: I Am DREAD! Today Is Day!
Cubbles: The Wannabees are able to blitz away a halfling and mark Mara, and a dauntless gutter runner makes a gutsy attempt on Darkroot… the gutsy runner is unconscious!
Oufaq: *Admiring Gaze*
Translator skink: Mara has this in hand, feels the Mighty Oufaq. The Halflings Knock out another rat and keeping moving forward.
Cubbles: With only five rats on the pitch, the Dark Flings spear out to mark them up! Mara…
Dread: TODAY! I Am Dread! I Score!
Dark Overcoach: GODS DAMN IT DREAD!
Cubbles: …has the ball ripped from her hands by Dread! Dread is charging down the pitch! The Rats rush past their markings, Mara and the halflings are marked! Its the last minute! Dread marches forwards! He just needs to go for it! HE…
SCORES!!!
Dread: I Have Touched Down Ball! I Win.
Dark Overcoach: …!
[Inducements: Darkroot, Violet, Mara, Tiny Fucking Knife(Bribe)]
Cubbles: Hi there viewers, and welcome to matchday 6 of the OCC on the MootCast! I’m Cubbles Greenhill and with me today is the great and wise Slann Magepreist Oufaq!
Oufaq: *Welcoming Gaze*
Cubbles: Its great to have you as always Great Oufaq, but I’m surprised your staying here in the capital so long. Don’t you miss the peace and serenity of the Jungles of Lustria?
Oufaq: *Understanding and Deep Gaze*
Translator skink: The Great Oufaq maintains a great sense of personal peace even within the hustle and bustle of the modern city. Indeed, it is his great mission to bring this peace and personal wellbeing to all peoples of Altdwarf.
Oufaq: *Peaceful Gaze*
Translator skink: The Great Oufaq offers meditation and yoga classes, as well has speaking in many private conferences on world peace and harmony.
Cubbles: As well as watching Bloodbowl.
Oufaq: *Harmonious Gaze*
Cubbles: Well, the teams are set up, with the Wannabes receiving. Violets cooking up a storm again today!
Violet Evilcookies: Rats are so easy to cook! I mean cook for…
Cubbles: The Woo look good at first injuring Nancy Fearbane, but then Distater strikes in the form of super-strong Rat Ogre Voilbam! Voilbam goes down attempting to hit Darkroot, leaving the ball covered but still on the ground! Esme tries to follow up, but only stuns the monster!
Oufaq: *Knowledgeable Gaze*
Translator skink: The Rats collect the ball and rush it forwards… too rapidly! As Gutter Runner squeak gos for it, he trips and falls!
Cubbles: Ivan Terrorstab rushes to the ball and grabs it! Mara and Elsie Razorslaughter team up to shove the Wannabees Star Gutter Runner from the pitch, and the rest of the team covers!
Dark Overcoach: WHAT? IS SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENING TO US?!
Cubbles: Darkroot removes a linerat and the Dark Flings rush the ball up to the middle, where Fear takes root.
Fear: All Is Good, Time For Celebration Drink!
Oufaq: *Tranquil Gaze*
Translator skink: After a couple of tries Esme Rageslayer manages to badly hurt Violbam, but the Rats Apothecary druggs him up and gets him on his feet again.
Cubbles: The Woo try to assault the Dark Flings cage, but are not able to stop Ivan’s slow advance! Esme removes a linerat from the field, and indeed from this existence! …And Darkroot sends a thrower hurtling after him!
Dark Overcoach: HAHAHAHAHA! SPLAT THE RATS! THIS IS THE WAY!
Oufaq: *Gentle Gaze*
Translator skink: Ivan Terrorstab starts his run up the feild, covered by Dread and Esme! The rats try to pressure the ball, but just can’t seem to touch the halflings. Ivan Runs the ball in at the last minute! 1-0 Dark Flings.
Dark Overcoach: I FEEL JOY AGAIN!
*****
Cubbles: Welcome back viewers! The second half is about to start, and if you thought Violets cooking was good in the first half, you haven’t seen anything yet!
Violet: Comfort cheesy nibbles! Everyone loves them, especially skaven!
Cubbles: The kick is a touchback, and Mara is given the ball!
Oufaq: *Contemplative Gaze*
Translator skink: To give the ball to Mara is wise, declares the mighty Oufaq! The Fear tree seems happy with the diraection things are going.
Fear: We Got This Guys! Time For A Drink! *Takes Root*
Dark Overcoach: NRRRRRGGHHHH….
Cubbles: Esme injures another rat while Fear K.O one! Where is the ref…?
Oufaq: *Enlightening Gaze*
Translator skink: Over there, with a tiny knife in his back.
Cubbles: Violbam has had enough! He’s going to turn this around for the Woo! He Chrages Dread! …Dread kills him stone DEAD!
Dread: I Am DREAD! Today Is Day!
Cubbles: The Wannabees are able to blitz away a halfling and mark Mara, and a dauntless gutter runner makes a gutsy attempt on Darkroot… the gutsy runner is unconscious!
Oufaq: *Admiring Gaze*
Translator skink: Mara has this in hand, feels the Mighty Oufaq. The Halflings Knock out another rat and keeping moving forward.
Cubbles: With only five rats on the pitch, the Dark Flings spear out to mark them up! Mara…
Dread: TODAY! I Am Dread! I Score!
Dark Overcoach: GODS DAMN IT DREAD!
Cubbles: …has the ball ripped from her hands by Dread! Dread is charging down the pitch! The Rats rush past their markings, Mara and the halflings are marked! Its the last minute! Dread marches forwards! He just needs to go for it! HE…
SCORES!!!
Dread: I Have Touched Down Ball! I Win.
Dark Overcoach: …!
kopmcginty
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Yes! As a member of the Dread fanclub this makes me very happy! Love reading your blogs and Remthar.
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Nice illustration.
And lovable writing as always.
And lovable writing as always.
I am straining to not laugh too loudly in the office here, you bastard! Go Dread, you are an inspiration to us all
Dread is an inspiration to all... trees everywhere!!
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Ha, where did you get that picture!