Season 14 MD1 vs the Snowflake Generation (underworld coached by Keith Car)
“...but on the other hand, Urgrock now has a new tourist attraction! And now to sports, with Luz Longtooth, Luz, today is the big day, how are our boyz looking?”
“Looking good, Grug, very good! It’s a lovely day here at the Great Green Stadium and there is a big crowd for the teams first game of the season! Parking was difficult though, and the boar shit is still being removed. The cleanup took longer than expected when it was discovered that that no one can actually read any of the no dumping signs that were put up.”
“Ah, yes. Urgrocks literacy rate is disturbingly low even for orc cities, with most of the residents refusing to even use picograms, polls showing that a majority of residents consider them to be ‘a bit dwarfy’’.
“ANY BOARS PARKED INCORRECTLY WILL BE USED FOR VIOLET EVILCOOKIES SPECIAL RECIPE BOAR BURGERS! YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WARNED!”
“Ah, Dark Overcoach, thank you for joining m in the commentary booth. What are your thoughts on this matchup?”
“GOBLINS SUCK, EVEN GOBLINS ON DRUGS.”
“Don’t we have a goblin on the team?”
“EXCEPT HERCULES, HE’S A GREAT GUY, A REAL TEAM PLAYER AND INCREDIBLE ATHLETE.”
“I understand this is the second time the team has faced the snowflakes? The last time was a bad defeat. Will you be doing anything different?”
“THE TEAM WILL NOT BE LITTLE FUCKING PANSYS AND LOSE TO GOD DAMN GOBLINS WITH ME AROUND. THAT IS ALL.”
“Well, that sounds like a plan to me, viewers! Now the teams are setting up, the Great Green Heroes have won the toss and will be receiving. The kick is high and deep, but thrower Parakeet gets under the ball, and in a shocking move, catches it. An unusual focus on the ball there for the team, I hope that doesn’t come back to bite them.”
“I hear Fez and Dribblesnot are both here to play for the snowflakes, Luz?”
“Yeah Grug, two star players! The Heroes troll, Fern, goes for fez early, trying to bring him down with a risky block, but is clobared by the ball and chain! But is seems to get tangled around him, or maybe all the boar shit is still making the pitch slippy, because shorterly after, Fez goes down disastrously!
“Unsurprisingly, that is Fez out, and a big boon for the Heroes right from the start! The Heroes take advantage and move up right aggressively, keeping a loose cage as they are under constant bombardment from Dribblesnot!”
“Yes, the bombs are flying alright, but what's this! Team captain Rok Ard leaps up to intercept one! He hurls it right back at Dribblesnot… who catches it! The bomb flies again, and...
Black Orc Walnut catches it as well! The bomb flies back again, but Wulnut is not the most accurate htrower, and the only person who gets knock over is Blizter Crocteeth! But what a play! The crowd enjoyed that one! Maybe the passing game would be more popular in Urgrock is it always involved explosives!”
“HUH. MAKE A NOTE OF THAT, DARK UNDERASSISTANTS. IT COULD BE A GOOD IDEA.”
“Basil injures a goblin, and Captin Rok Ard knocks out another, and the Underwolrd are struggling to even stay on their feet. With black orcs breathing down his neck, Dribblesnot can’t make a shot, and is eventually injured off the pitch by line orc Uva Wut. In desperation, the underworld zap Parakeet with the wizard they hired, and it seems the thrower is pretty conductive, as he is toasted and badly hurt!
“But the underworld have little opportunity to get at the ball, and blitzer shadez pick up the ball to run it in safely at the end of the half.”
The Snowflakes make an aerial attempt in the closing seconds of the first half, and it looks good until they are unable to stick the landing.”
*Half time*
