*Blasts of crass intro music*
Yes, it's the show you've all been waiting for.. it's Nuffle This Week, with your host.. Gallows Bait!
Good morning everyone, we're back we're raring to go. It's the bright lights and big paypackets of Altdwarf this season. With a coveted Blood Bowl Journalists Sneaky Peek Prediction award (that's SPP to you), we're here in the big city to bring you those never fallible always accurate, bet your life on them,
SOLID GOLD PREDICTIONS OF AWESOMENESS!!
*Flurry of almost illegible disclaimers scrolling past*
@Antonis - Blitzing Eurostars (High Elf)
Last season's winners, a long standing team with a great record, but frankly that last season seems to have taken a lot out of them. High Elves always have a reputation for being pristine and perfect, but these boys look more than a little dented and dinged. Still, led by the legendary, if aging, Frank Gauloise, they will be giving it their all to try and retain the cup. We predict:
4th place - The shine has come off.
@stephB - Malazan Marines (Chaos Dwarf)
We've seen these behatted bearded brothers a few times on the circuit now and it seemed their success would know no end, but they couldn't quite take the cup last season, running into their first real setback. You can bet these angry little men and their bizarrely talented hobgoblin henchmen will be detemined to take the prize this time, but can they manage to reach it? They'll certainly do their best to step(ladder) up. We predict:
3rd place - Eating their hats.
@Frankolino - Imagine Dragons [BBT] (Lizardmen)
Another former cup winning team here and right now these lizards look fit and healthy like they've been laying out on rocks in the sun all month. They came close last season as well and they're just as eager. They can almost taste victory again. With so much muscle on this team, it'll come down to whether those scaly hides keep looking shiny or whether their opponents turn them into shoes with all the claws this season. Personally I've already ordered my pair of Skinkskin loafers. We predict:
5th place - Savage scalping.
@TomSchnizz (Le Bread Masque) - Deaths And Touchdowns (Skaven)
Quite frankly, we had to check the name twice when we saw this team. Rats in the top tier? Consecutive seasons? Thankyfully a quick look through the roster shows us that these pernicous vermin are indeed as fragile and beaten down as one would expect. Must have been some very poor play last season that saw these rats live to tell the
tail. Must do better people,
yes yes? We predict:
8th place - Call in the exterminators.
@Coach Xerwox (Xerwox) - Middenheim Magic (Human)
Honestly and without a word of a lie, nor bias on the behalf of this reporter, I can say that I am overjoyed to see the Magic finally here in Altdwarf. Such a joy to see them perform on the pitch. Such colourful kit, such colourful fans. Such excellent, ahem,
hospitality. Anyway, enough superlatives, they're quite, ahem,
expensive. We can't wait to see Carl the Comet recognised as the legend he surely is. The GOAT indeed, so the youngsters tell me. We predict:
2nd place - Stunning Success for the newcomers.
@James Rye (Sengil89) - The Noble Orcs (Orc)
A greenskin team that makes you sit up and pay attention.. and not just because they're threatening to take your kneecaps home as souvenirs. These rambunctous ruffians boast a host of superstars and they must feel their time has come. We certainly know their fans will make their displeasure known if not. We do have to wonder though, whether all those sharpened claws out there might end up seeing them feeling a little fragile. We predict:
7th place - Opened up like a can of mushy peas.
@Havol - Headbangers Ball (Necromantic)
Well on paper and frankly on the pitch in practice, this team would still be languishing in the middle tiers if not for the undeniable brilliance of superstar Werewolf Tommy Lee. While they have a solid corpse.. er.. corps or experienced players, he stands Head and Shoulders above his teammates. Coincidentally they're also his sponsor I'm told. I'd have thought Mane and Tail would have tried harder, but I digress. We predict -
10th place - One star does not a night sky make.
@RTSD - Diakstrvakta (Khemri)
Bringing their unique blend of brutality and fiendish spelling all the way to Altdwarf this season, the Khemri of Diakstrvakta will have the typesetters of the Altdwarf press quaking in terror, if no one else. They've seen success at every level so far, but can these exhumed stiffs keep everying together here in the big league or will they begin to fray like tattered bandages? This reporter won't be quick to bet against them, no bones about it. We predict:
6th place - Midtable in the midday sun.
@BallztotheWalla - 666 Tru Kvlt Nekro Metal (Necromantic)
Yet another upstart Necromantic team, I suppose that's what you get when a generation of Emo kids discover the Lichemaster's magic out there on the Crystal Ball networks. These grim faced reapers are the more rounded of the two teams possessing a lot of fresh talent and flesh talent, I suppose. As always though, I do worry whether such animated corpses can hold it together on the pitch, literally. It's a brutal division and these chaps are inevitably a little fragile. We predict:
9th place - Battle of the Bands.
@Geryon - Stinky Bloat (Nurgle)
A solid team on paper, which is where I prefer to view them. The last scout who snuck onto the practice pitch was practically falling over himself to get back with the news, tripping over his colon, his spleen, his kidneys... They're a model of putrid perfection, effective and infectious efficiency. This is a team
moulded for the modern game. In equal parts tough and squishy, resistant to most known antibiotics too. We predict:
1st place - Pustulant Princes.
Well folks, that's all we have time for on Nuffle this Week, we hope you've enjoyed our
SOLID GOLD PREDICTIONS OF AWESOMENESS!! Take care out there, and we'll be back next week for seven hours of commercial free.. wait, no.. not that show either.
*Blasts of slightly less crass outro music*
