“Meep is outside Hero-Sissies training mansion! Meep is here for… Hold camera-thing steady Goblin-puddle! Meep is here along with other respected-noble journalist-things to ask Hero-elf-sissies about big-big scandal! Eeeep! Don’t tread on Meep fellow reporter-thing!” “Ahhhh! The pile of garbage just spoke!” “Meep is not Garbage-trash! Meep is respected… Hero-thing big-boss going to speak! Get camera on him Goblin-puddle!” “Ahem! I, Grand High Coach Remtharion, wish to issue a statement! The Greater Ulthuan Heroes have not signed a black orc onto our team! That would be silly, and is an insult to our superior high elven nature! Our recently hired catcher just works out a lot! She is not a Black orc with ears glued on, that would be silly and I wouldn’t never do that! Besides, I hate orcs and they’re too slow! Matoria is fast!” “Blug from da Altdwarf timez. Iz she a Lizardman den?” “She is not bright blue and… well ok our uniform is blue, but thats not the point, anyway she isn’t covered with scales!” “Summer Meadowdance of the Moot Whombler. Isn’t there any free food at the press conference?!” “Elven pastries are on their way.” “Meep Snivelscribler, Meep Report yes-yes! Have you stolen potions from coach Netsmurf?!” “No! This is just 100% natural elven superiority! Not essence of black orc or rampant steroid abuse! No more questions!” “Yay! Meep has committed real journalisms!” ***** Time for a Midseason update! Where are the Heroes at? Overall the Heroes are 2-2-2 for the season with three games to go; Fallowhearts dark elves, the hated Shortman Syndrome and some hippy wood elves. Currently in 5th place, out of range of winning this season, but still within striking distance of a spot in the top four and thus sticking around for next season. Things have been a bit frustrating for the Heroes. Three deaths halved the size of the treasury and cost us a guard, and the rising star Gwithiline is now carrying 30k bloat. But overall the squad has been improving. Coaching staff status: Remtharion is no longer hiding under his bed, Leonas has been slacking off, Rifeldin has been doing all the work and Deffpaw has started prepping his lizards with the aim of getting a second crunch cup. The team: Team captain Steadfast Fereldes. Blitzer. Though still threatening as hell with his agi5 and leap, Fereldes has often been used for his guard more recently. Somehow still alive, despite the best efforts of everyone we meet. Duke Illroth. Blitzer. Should probably have taken sidestep over tackle with him as a second skill, but having more tackle around for the elf teams can’t hurt. Somewhat stand-offish at the moment, I’m sure the rest of the team will grow on him soon though. Glorious Exalia. Thrower. Though slightly drug addled, Exalia’s strong arm is a useful tool in the Heroes offence. Catchers: Princess Androssia. The longest surviving catcher, despite not being the most protected. Always around to get the job done, and here many handmaidens still provide the Heroes with an excellent support crew. Superior Salvaron. An elven killer! Or as he thinks of himself, warrior-poet. Trained by saurus in the ancient arts of hitting people really hard in the face, Salvaron has been a great asset to the team! Magnificent Gwithiline. The Heroes one turning expert has had her career halted by a smashed ankle. Though still around for the time being, she is investigating other lines of work. Matoria the Avenger. Only played a couple of games and has already displayed shocking strength! Future star, or promising career cut short, we’ll have to see! Linemen of note: Ascended lineman Truthful Purion. An at least theoretical constant threat to the ball with his wrestle, agi5 and leap. Hasn’t actually been able to get away with the ball so far this season, but with the help of Fereldes its only a matter of time. Not quite living up the the legacy of his wardancer mother yet. Has played the most matches on the team despite having served on the LOS for a time! Olaenia. The only one of Androssia’s Handmaiden that stuck with playing more than a single game, she’s survived surprisingly long with only av7. She took up the role of kicker after the Heroes first kicker died. Ponderous Illithin. Only a single skill and its guard, but a very useful and in demand member of the team. He is one of the reasons the Heroes are able to bash as well as they do. Conniving Arlathan. No ones sure what this guys up to, but levelling with a cas, a TD and a pass in his first match means he must be up to something! Three other recently hired linemen. Maybe they’ll live, but probably they won’t. You never know.