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Orc [BC] ORCIAD: The Eporc Saga

Discussion in 'Team Blogs' started by Landwaker, Sep 11, 2013.

  1. Landwaker

    Landwaker Member

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    THE ORCIAD
    [​IMG]
    Orchilles wearing the Horclite Helm of Valorous Victory.

    CONTENTS

    Current roster is spoilered in the next post.
    Season Two coverage starts below.
    Season Three story starts here.
    Season Four starts
    here.
    Season Five here.
    Season Six.
    Seven.

    Eight.
    Nine.
    11.
    12.

    "Dissiz Brunt Goreball wit Reel Sporcts Snotwork, bringin' ya da best sporcts cov'rage dis side o' anyting. I'm 'ere cov'rin' da new season o' da Big Crunch league, spec'fic'ly dese Orcs called Da Orciad. Wot's dat s'pozed ta mean, ya say? Well dat's one o' da many tings I'll be azkin' while we watch dis team behin' da screenz [sic] and get da downlow [sic] on dese weird-named greenskinz.

    First up we 'ave Coach Landwaker's speech to da boyz:
    And now 'erez my interview wit da coach:

    BG: Tanks fer talkin' wit Reel Sporcts Snotwork.
    LW: You mean network?
    BG: Na, da net is for catchin' da snotz.
    LW: I see … so you're not with CabalVision?
    BG: Dose falutin' gitz! Dey dunno sporcts even if I shove dem up deir noses! I tried!
    LW: Okay then. So how many viewers do you have?
    BG: Right now? Me an' da cam'ra.
    LW: The camera appears to be a cage with snotlings in it.
    BG: O’ course, da snotz do da work. Snotwork, see?
    LW: They're scribbling what we say and sketching us at the same time?
    BG: Ya, we'll match it all up later. [ed. note: images indecipherable]
    LW: How do we know their transcript is accurate?
    BG: Wot?
    LW: How do we know they got the words right?
    BG: Oh, we got one o' dem smotty [sic] elfs to edit on detainer.
    LW: You mean retainer?
    BG: Wotever. [ed. note: leasepay elphay] ‘Ey, 'ow 'bout I azk someting ‘ere?
    LW: Alright.
    BG: Wotz a ewman [sic] doin' coachin' orcs?
    LW: Well, I think if you look closely, you'll notice that all of the coaches are actually human.
    BG: Yer a right looney!
    LW: Okay.
    BG: Hrmph. So wotz dis Orciad ting mean anywayz?
    LW: The Orciad is an ancient eporc poem in dactylic hexorcmeter, traditionally attributed to...
    BG: [snoring]
    LW: …
    BG: [snort] Oh, big wordz put me right out.
    LW: I’ll try to remember.
    BG: Where woz we?
    LW: The Orciad is a poem.
    BG: A wot?
    LW: Ah … an inspirational story.
    BG: Hoookay den. Maybe if ya did less story an’ more practish [sic], ya’d coach better.
    LW: I take your point.
    BG: ‘Ey, give it back ya git!
    LW: I mean I understand you.
    BG: Yer standin’ right in front o' me, ya looney!
    LW: … Agreed.
    BG: Dissiz gonna be a long season! Letz talk ‘bout da utter [sic] teamz in Averland.
    LW: Well, much remains to be seen because several of them will be new teams. So we'll have a large value advantage against most of our opponents, but that means wizards, star players and other inducements against us. And I'm sure the other teams from the first season will be equally motivated to do better.
    BG: Hrm, so I should be bettin' 'gainst ya den?
    LW: I wouldn't say that.
    BG: I said it.
    LW: Right.
    BG: ... Well dat's a nuff [sic] fer now, we'll talk again after yer first match.
    LW: I will certainly look forward to that.
    BG: Dissiz Brunt Goreball wit Reel Sporcts Snotwork, sighing [sic?] off!"
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2016
  2. Landwaker

    Landwaker Member

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    EDIT: Current roster under spoiler.
    THE ORCIAD CURRENT ROSTER (102 MATCHES)

    #1) Orchilles ("Kill"), Level 7 Blitzer (223 spp) with +AG, Tackle, Mighty Blow, Guard, Piling On, Stand Firm, and -MA.

    #2) Orcdysseus ("Dyss"), Level 6 Blitzer (161 spp) with +AG, Tackle, Guard, Mighty Blow, and Stand Firm.

    #3) Hectorc II ("Hec II"), Level 3 Blitzer (18 spp) with Mighty Blow, Jump Up, and -MA.

    #4) Aenorcas ("Norc"), Level 7 Blitzer (176 spp) with +AG, Tackle, Guard, Jump Up, Mighty Blow, and Piling On.

    #5) Orcjax II ("Jax II"), Level 6 Black Orc (95 spp) with Block, Guard, Mighty Blow, Stand Firm, Grab, and -MA.

    #6) Menelorcus II ("Menel II"), Level 6 Black Orc (82 spp) with Block, Guard, Mighty Blow, Stand Firm, Grab, and -AG.

    #7) Diorcmedes ("Diorc"), Level 6 Black Orc (117 spp) with Block, Guard, Mighty Blow, Diving Tackle, Stand Firm, and -AG.

    #8) Glorcus III ("Glorc III"), Level 2 Black Orc (13 spp) with Block.

    #9) Agamemnorc ("Aga"), Level 7 Thrower (179 spp) with Block, Dodge, Kick-Off Return, Accurate, Leader, and Nerves of Steel.

    #11) Patorclus V ("Pat V"), Level 1 Lineorc (5 spp).

    #12) Porcris VI ("Porc VI"), Level 1 Lineorc (0 spp).

    #13) Nestorc IV ("Nest IV"), Level 1 Lineorc (2 spp).

    #14) Polydorcmas ("Dorc"), Level 5 Lineorc (56 spp) with +AG, Block, Tackle, and Strip Ball.

    13 Players with 9 Fan Factor, 3 Re-Rolls, and 1 Apothecary for a Team Value of 2250 with a Treasury of 1,010,000.

    THE ORCIAD SECOND SEASON STARTING ROSTER
    , brought to you by REEL SPORCTS SNOTWORK!

    #1) Orchilles, Level 3 Blitzer (16 spp) with Tackle and Agility.

    #2) Orcdysseus, Level 2 Blitzer (8 spp) with Tackle.

    #3) Hectorc, Level 1 Blitzer (3 spp).

    #4) Aenorcas, Level 1 Blitzer (3 spp).

    #5) Orcjax II, Level 1 Black Orc (0 spp).

    #6) Menelorcus, Level 1 Black Orc (0 spp).

    #7) Diorcmedes, Level 3 Black Orc (29 spp) with Block and Guard.

    #8) Glorcus, Level 2 Black Orc (12 spp) with Block.

    #9) Agamemnorc, Level 3 Thrower (17 spp) with Block and Dodge.

    #10) Patorclus, Level 2 Lineorc (12 spp) with Dirty Player.

    #11) Prorcam, Level 1 Thower (0 spp).

    #15) Little Orcjax, Level 1 Goblin (0 spp).

    #16) The Horcse, Level 2 Troll (7 spp) with Guard.

    13 Players with 4 Fan Factor, 3 Re-Rolls, 1 Apothecary, 1 Cheerleader and 1 Assistant Coach for a Team Value of 1500 with a Treasury of 100,000.
     
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2016
  3. TravelScrabble

    TravelScrabble Well-Known Member

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    Beautiful stuff LW, I do love those eporcs, so much so I might be coming to Averland to watch over their rise to glory this season.
     
  4. dubbs

    dubbs Member

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    Thumbs up on the blog. I'll be rooting for you in Averland!
     
  5. Landwaker

    Landwaker Member

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    Thanks guys, I enjoyed putting it together. Should be an interesting season!
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2013
  6. Landwaker

    Landwaker Member

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    Having looked over the division again, I feel I should cut the rookie thrower and the assistant coach (and sadly maybe even the cheerleader) to get the TV gap down against all these new teams. Thoughts?
     
  7. Fallowheart

    Fallowheart Active Member

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    the extra bench is nearly always worth it, especially with that DP lineorc. At some point he'll be sidelined, nice to have someone to fall back on, even if it is AV8.

    What are you getting from giving back 20k and a thrower? a bribe or maybe an apothecary ;)

    keep it up mate!
     
  8. TravelScrabble

    TravelScrabble Well-Known Member

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    You can't cut Porcris unless he's the difference between giving woodies or skaven the wiz or not
     
  9. Remthar

    Remthar Well-Known Member

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    Great stuff! I'll be following these orcs. I hope they succeed in their quest for eporcness!
     
  10. Midros

    Midros Member

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    Very nice LW! I admire your ability to write for so long in 'orc'! I get frustrated remaking words like that very quickly. Looking forward to more ;)
     
  11. Landwaker

    Landwaker Member

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    @Fallow: Fair enough; I suppose my main concern was getting the TV gap below Morg price, but perhaps it's preferable to tempt them to spend it all in one place rather than spread it out? We'll see once the schedule's set.

    @TS: Yikes, Porcris already has fans? Now all the cut perms will demand drums...

    @Rem: Thanks! I had a look at your latest entry and the "killed my father" line had me laughing.:D

    @Mid: Yeah, I started to edit for a consistent dialect but that way lies madness. Glad you enjoyed it, cheers!
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2013
  12. TravelScrabble

    TravelScrabble Well-Known Member

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    I'd much rather be facing Morg than some horrible collection of wizard, plus eldril e.g. (elves get the best inducements)
     
  13. Landwaker

    Landwaker Member

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    Well the feedback makes it easier to forego the cuts I didn't want to make anyway.

    Oh, if any of my fellow Averlanders are reading this, Morg is definitely the inducement I fear most. ;)
     
  14. akirilus

    akirilus Well-Known Member

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    Real men take Apothecary, Babe x2 and a Loner with Catch! ;)
     
  15. skullashtray

    skullashtray Active Member

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    well im in there with typhoid mary's how many fresh teams are with us?
     
  16. Landwaker

    Landwaker Member

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    Looks like six of them, along with you, me, siggy and Madjesty [link].
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2013
  17. Landwaker

    Landwaker Member

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    "This is Kithmornen Kavavanlhun, standing in for Brunt Goreball with Reel Sporcts Snotwork. I am here with Coach Landwaker of The Orciad following his team's 2-1 loss to the Nurgle of Typhoid Mary's. Before we begin the post-match interview, I will repeat my name for the record, Kith-mor-nen Ka-vav-an-lhun, as someone out there may have some academic interest in that name or perhaps even a personal interest in a person that may be so named. Ka-vav-an-lhun. Feel free to try it out loud, it is an interesting name. Why not repeat it to your friends, or whoever may happen to be sitting near you or passing you on the street, particularly-- [snotlings shrieking] ah, but let us proceed with the interview.

    KK: Salutations Coach, I am Kithmornen Ka-vav-an--
    LW: I got it, quite a mouthful; perhaps a shorter nickname?
    KK: I am sorry, but no, I-- [snotlings shrieking]
    LW: What's that the camera is saying?
    KK: Oh, those beastly little things are always making noises, they--
    LW: They're saying 'Kit-Kit.'
    KK: [sigh]
    LW: So, Kit-Kit, unusual to see a high elf working with an orc and snotlings.
    KK: Indeed it is, perhaps you may note that I am in fact chained to this "camera," from which one may infer a certain explanation.
    LW: An admirable commitment to the job, Kit-Kit.
    KK: That is certainly one interpretation, albeit perhaps not the most obvious that one may arrive at under the circumstances. There may well be a more probable perception one may obtain, if one would also consider the notable pallor in my complexion, substantially suggesting that perhaps I have spent all of my recent weeks indoors in an space unilluminated by sunlight.
    LW: You should get out more, Kit-Kit; isn't healthy to stay working all the time.
    KK: ... Agreed, sir, in the abstract, but your comment, while most assuredly well-taken, presumes a premise of voluntary participation which is not necessarily present in--
    LW: Okay okay, you're forced to be here.
    KK: Yes, I-- [snotlings shrieking] oh be quiet you horrible imps, I do not care if Mr. Goreball hears, I am being freed!
    LW: Oh, sorry, I didn't mean for you to infer that I was freeing you.
    KK: ... B-but, you--
    LW: I understand your situation, but really I don't like elves much anyway.
    KK: ... I see.
    LW: So let's get this thing done, and don't mess around with the transcript, okay?
    KK: Be assured, sir, your precise words will be plain to the world.
    LW: Fine. Where is Brunt by the way?
    KK: Based on your initial interview, sir, Mr. Goreball bet rather heavily against you, and he is still sleeping off his celebratory exploits, if not continuing them.
    LW: Ah. Such a true shame to miss him.
    KK: Indeed. So, a rather abysmal performance, was it not, sir?
    LW: That's a bit strong for a 2-1 loss, Kit-Kit, but yes, it was a disheartening collapse in the second half.
    KK: Not only did your team take several severe injuries and fail to reciprocate to any significant degree, sir, but they also appeared completely unprepared for the foul appearance or disturbing presence of your opponents.
    LW: It was a definite oversight.
    KK: A rather gargantuan oversight of utterly colossal proportions, is it not, sir, given that those traits are the fundamental, essential signature of all Nurgle teams?
    LW: Look, Kit-Kit, I hadn't actually planned on playing the match today; I had already coached my Crunch Cup team to victory this morning and--
    KK: Excuses are rather sad, pathetic things, are they not, sir?
    LW: ... I'm not trying to excuse the loss; the match was fairly fought. I agree we should have been better prepared, but I'm not sure any amount of preparation could have made up for the disparity in armor breaks.
    KK: Ah, I see, sir. I was operating under the apparently mistaken understanding that you were responsible for equipping your players and seeing to their training. I acknowledge my misapprehension; please enlighten me as to who prepares this team for its matches so that I may inquire of them, Coach?
    LW: ... Brunt will be back next time, right?
    KK: I surely hope so, sir.
    LW: Agreed.
    KK: Well, sir, it unfortunately seems that our time together is concluded. What is that common saying, 'you can only go up from here?' Of course, I suppose that hardly precludes the possibility of going nowhere, does it?
    LW: I suppose not. Maybe I'll see you there, eh Kit-Kit? I'll be sure to bring some candles.
    KK: ... This has been Kithmornen Kavavanlhun, that is K, A, V--[snotlings shrieking] This has been a presentation of Reel Sporcts Snotwork, brought to you via live transcript from here in Averland, specifically from a two-story [snotlings shrieking] ... [sigh] Goodbye."
    [ed. note: "No more smotty 'ed notes,' Kit-Kit"]
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2013
  18. Landwaker

    Landwaker Member

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    I had forgotten how appropriately unpleasant it is to the play against Nurgle. Foul appearance, disturbing presence, tentacles... I feel this festering urge to make a Nurgle team called Prestildential Politox themed on civic cynicism -- I'd cheer the other team on as they tried to vanquish players with names like "Ignorant Electorate" and "Hyperpartisanship" -- but I doubt it would be enjoyable long-term.

    Anyway, we move on with Glorcus and Patorclus MNG, meaning Prorcam the secondary thrower and Little Orcjax the goblin will have starting positions against siggy's Skaven (we only have 120,000 banked and I don't want another lineorc at this stage, if at all this season).

    Aenorcas did skill up with his TD and I had decided to to give him Guard to support his fellow blitzers, so of course he went and rolled +AG which I simply couldn't reject. These eporcs really seem to want the passing, and Agamemnorc receiving the Ostland Best Offensive Player award for his throwing last season [link] doesn't help me resist them. I will adhere to my rule though... except when I don't.
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2013
  19. Remthar

    Remthar Well-Known Member

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    Seems you're just destined to play an Eporc passing game Landwaker.
     
  20. Landwaker

    Landwaker Member

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    "Dissiz Brunt Goreball wit Reel Sporcts Snotwork, bringin' ya live play-by-play cov'rage o' Da Orciad's secon' match 'gainst some skaven team, I forget da name. Da boyz got to be motorvated for dis 'un, since dey skewed up dat secon' half 'gainst da Khemri last time, and dey got dodged to bitz by ratz last season too. I'd root for 'em, since na 'un likes ratz, but I'm bettin' 'gainst 'em 'gain... ol' Brunt's just got a feelin'.

    Hokay, looks like da boyz won da toss but want to kick instead o' bash -- dat Coach iz a looney I tell ya! Da wedder's nice an' da kick goes deep while da rogre goes wild an' a stormrat tries to block dat Orcdyssy guy who ain't havin' none. Da rat drowa gets da ball and 'eads for a sideline, but a linerat comin' back to 'elp gets tackled by da troll and comes out wit' a smashed 'and! First blood to da boyz, I gotta cheer dat 'un! WAAAAAGH!

    Dey're markin' up da ratz, looks like Coach Looney wants da blitzers to come 'round da side for da drowa. Da line spreads out to screen off da ratz but I'm seein' dat new Blorc Orcjax Too standin' purty lonesome in da middle. Yup, dat rogre saw it and 'e's frenzyin' 'im down, and dere goes a gutter'un an' a linerat drough da gap. Da troll goes stupid but da blitzers on da side iz closin' in on da drowa, and Orcdyssy and He'torc take da stormratz off da pitch. It's startin' to get tight for da ratz ... oh! Big Diorc tackles a gutter'un as it tries to get away and dere's an openin' to da drowa! Two Blorcs iz tyin' up da rogre as Big Diorc, Orcdyssy an' He'torc close in on da ball. Dat troll iz still bein' stupid, but da orcs got all da ratz downfield marked. Hrmm, but ya can't never count dose gutter'unz out...

    Dere ya go! Two o' 'em dodge and knock deir buddy free, and 'ere comes da drowa ... 'e dodges free, runs down and dere goes da ball! Pass to da open gutter'un and 'e takes off all da way to da orcz' corner, no 'un can touch 'im! Sneaky gits, wot'd I say!

    Haha, da troll's still stupid, an' da gobbo gives up on 'im and runs after da ball wit Agam'norc da drowa. Dey scare da gutter 'un into da end zone and we 'ave a score! WAAAAAAAGH! Da Orciad got rat-dodged 'gain, dey can't be 'appy.

    Ooh, quick snap on da kick! Da boyz pile on da line and knock da rogre and 'iz buds down, an' Orchilly blitzes out a gutter'un! Da Orciad iz givin' da ball to da rookie drowa Prorc'm, who gets da deep kick wit' A'norcs and He'torc. Hrm, dese rats iz feelin' feizty, almost deir whole team iz dodgin' away an' goin' for da ball ... 'ey, dey left Orchilly wide open! I don't like dis, don' dese ratz know how looney dis team iz ... yup, Orcdyssy knocks a gutter'un out o' da way and Pror'am runs up an' passes to Orchilly, who breaks for da endzone! Ain't propa, I tell ya!

    Oh, looks like ol' Orchilly shoulda run a bit more, cuz a stormrat iz blitzin' off da ground, dodgin' out and goin' all da way to mark 'im right outside da endzone. I don' tink it'll be nuff ... A'norcs knockz anudder gutter'un, and Orchilly barely makes 'iz dodge to score! 1-1, waaagh, wotever, but dis passin' and dodgin' iz jus' wrong.

    Da ratz still have a few minutes till halftime, and looks like dey're gonna go for it, but na! A linerat goes down and da orcs make a few more blocks before da clocks runs out. Hrmm, dissiz Brunt Goreball, tinkin' 'bout drinkin'!

    ---

    Hokay, 'ere we go for da secon' 'alf! Dissiz Brunt Goreball gettin' good an' boozy, 'cause Da Orciad iz gettin' da ball and dey have dree more players on da pitch dan da ratz. Da ratz set up a good da'fense but da kick iz short and da orcs iz tryin' to tie dem up quick. Ratz iz gettin' stunned left an' right as da cage advances wit' Agam'norc handlin' da ball. Da gutter 'unz break into da cage but dey're knocked away and Agam'norc makes a break for midfield wit Orchilly and Orcdyssy. Da goblin tries to follow 'em but doesn't make 'iz dodge. Still, looks like da orcs iz pretty safe ...

    NAAA! Dat strong gutter'un dodges free, goes for it and manages to take down Agam'norc from behind all on 'iz own! Still can't count 'gainst da boyz dough, cuz it's just da two gutter'unz 'gainst four orcs and da rest o' da ratz iz caught up by da big 'uns ... Big Diorc iz blockin' dat rogre down 'gain an' 'gain. Da boyz clear da ball, but Agam'norc skews 'iz pick-up! Still got dree orcs on da ball, but 'ey, 'un o' da gutter'unz iz runnin' down da pitch ... 'e must know sometin! Oh, dat strong gutter'un dodges out and knocks down Orchilly, while da udder 'un dodges between two orcs, grabs da ball, and tosses down field to da open 'un! Haha, Coach Looney iz losin' it on da sideline!

    Da boyz iz right rattled but deir tryin' to recover and mark up da ratz, oh hrmm, I tink Agam'norc iz a bit off wit 'iz markin', 'e an' Procr'm left an' open spot for dat gutter'un to dodge away, I tink dey might regret dat un' ... hokay, da gobbo has got back up and makes it to da ball carrier wit He'torc, an' 'ere comes Orchilly ... 'e knocks da ball free but dey only got 'un guy on it! Big Diorc knocks da rogre down 'gain and Menelorcs iz comin' back to 'elp mark up a linerat, but I tink dese ratz iz too dodgy...

    Yup! A gutter'un dodges right in and picks it up ... oh, 'e got tagged dere, but 'e makes it out an' SCORES! WAAAAAAAAAGH! Na win for Coach Looney today, but da boyz still got da numberz and da time to tie.

    Da ratz iz still down to eight wit da rogre back on da line, and it looks like Da Orciad iz goin' for a gobbo foul ... yup, Agam'norc grabs da high kick an' runs forward as da udders mob down da line and get all eight players stompin' on da rogre! Ol' Brunt's gotta admit dat's sweet... aww, but itz jus' a stun and da ref can't 'elp but whistle dat weak git out. Maybe dey'll foul 'gain?

    Aww, na, dey must want da tie, dey're breakin' up and markin' da ratz 'gain. Don' dey know it ain't workin'? Orchilly bringz anudder gutter'un down but dese ratz ain't breakin' much! Oh, 'ere comes dat strong 'un again, breakin' into da cage wit 'iz buddy. Boy dese ratz iz dodgy! Big Diorc shoves a stormrat 'gainst da sideline and 'elps Procr'm and He'torc block da gutters as Agam'norc hands off to A'norcs who runs up da field wit Orchilly! Risky wit just da two o' 'em, but time iz runnin' short ... and da ratz iz dodgin' free again to block da way, an' ... OHHH! Dat rookie rat drowa just broke A'norcs' jaw! Apo runs in ... 'ey, haha, I tink 'e's killin' 'im! Coach Looney pulls 'im off and gets 'iz boy back alive, but I don't tink dere's a chance now wit two rats guardin' da ball an' only Orchilly in range. Orcjax Too clears 'un o' 'em off but even agilly Orchilly ain't got da dodgin' to get dat ball! Gotta admire da try I guess ... naaa.

    Oh, dese rats iz feelin' good now and 'un o' da gutter'unz dodges out for da end zone. Will dey get make a dird score and beat da spread for ol' Brunt? Agam'norc and Procr'm go to mark da open rat ... da ratz stun Orcjax Too and get da ball, 'ere comes da pass ... 'ey! Hrmm, intershept by Agam'norc, but too ladel too lit! Da Orciad goes down 'gain and Brunt goes drinkin' 'gain! Let ol' Looney stew, time for more brew! Dissiz Brunt Goreball wit Reel Sporcts Snotwork, off to quaff!"
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2013