1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

The Dark Flings

Discussion in 'Team Blogs' started by Remthar, Oct 23, 2013.

  1. Remthar

    Remthar Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,426
    Location:
    Downunder, GMT +10
    Country Flag:
    Well the Dark Flings ended the Season 7th with 3-2-4, but somehow ended up being promoted to 4C! The two Halfling admins there would have nothing to do with this.

    Lunchmoney - The Mummy Dolphins - Undead -
    Cryptotich - Purveyors of Faith - Dark Elf -
    Remthar - Dark Flings - Halfling -
    Zunk - Immortal Coil - Chaos -
    Suhr - Frederiksberg fumblers - Elf -
    Clementus - Wee Wannabes of Woo - Skaven -
    Chora-Cra - Swan Song - Wood Elf -
    Capt Nemo - Stout Stompers - Dwarf -
    magfa - Voluptuous Vixen - Amazon -
    Maniehl - Pitter-Patter - Norse -

    Lot of Agility here, will be interesting.

    Got those damn Dark elves from last season again, going to have to get some revenge there.

    Magfa, who the Heroes are also facing in Altdwarf this season.

    Some Dwarves, yay, more dead dwarf awards!

    Undead are a pain in the arse but maybe I can kill a mummy.

    More Norse to squish.

    And a Chaotic Greensuit.

    Looks fun!
     
  2. Remthar

    Remthar Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,426
    Location:
    Downunder, GMT +10
    Country Flag:
    Dark Flings Vs Immortal Coil

    Cubbles: HI there viewers, and welcome to season 23 of the OrcaCola Championship! I’m Cubbles Greenhill and I’m here to bring you the very best in Halfling Bloodbowl!

    Boffar: What?! Boffar thought he was going to be watching the Dark Flings?!

    Dark Overcoach: THERE WILL BE BLOOD FOR THAT REMARK!

    Cubbles: Haha, yes. With me today is Boffar Talebellower and we will be watching the Dark Flings vs Immortal Coil, a Chaos team of hyper-violent monsters who have been described as “Steely eyed killers”. The bookies are predicting up to fifteen casualties for this match! I hear the Dark Overcoach has hired up to almost a full roster for this match!

    Boffar: Boffar is unable to contain his excitement, fat one! The walls shall be stained with halfling blood! But Boffar has heard something about a new Zara?!

    Cubbles: Yes Boffar, after the many failures of previous Zaras, the Dark Overcoach has signed a contract with “Mara the SLAUGHTERER! “

    Boffar: Boffar thinks that she sounds nice!

    Cubbles: Darkroot is also present and Violet Evilcookies, the Dark Flings chef, seems to have whipped up some very interesting blood pies.

    Boffar: The team captains have shaken hands and punched each other in the face, chaos will go first and the ball is kicked!

    Cubbles: The ball is deep, but the chaos surge at the right flank, swarming Dread and stunning him!

    Boffar: But a Chaos warrior is not brave and manly! He runs from a tree rather than fighting it himself! He trips and stuns himself for this failure!

    Cubbles: Death chrages the warrior with the claws that stunned Dread, and knocked him to the ground! Hordes of Halfling surge around him and… Esme Rageslayer takes him out badly hurt! The ref coughs in the direction of the Dark Overcoach…

    Dark Overcoach: WHAT?! ALREADY? DAMN IT HERE’S YOUR MONEY… I DIDN’T EXPECT TO BE UP IN TIER 4, HAVEN’T KILLED THE LOCAL REFS YET…

    Cubbles: Mara is running into the Chaos half to go after the ball! But the Immortals pull back and regroup, while grabbing the ball.

    Boffar: Dreadlord Hakk the Invincible marks Mara!

    Cubbles: Calling yourself “The Invincible” is tempting nuffle a bit isn’t it…?

    Boffar: Boffar does not know what you are talking abou… MARA HAS RIPPED OUT HIS SPINE AND IS BEATING HIM UNCONSCIOUS WITH IT! THE APOTHECARY HAS RUN ON!

    Cubbles: Hakk’s back is saved, but before he is carried off Mara stamps on his hip out of spite!

    Boffar: Boffar is in love!

    Cubbles: Death is marking much of the chaos team on the right and the ball is still in the back field, but agile beast Gammy Flap passes the ball forward to Warrior Cardinal Feng! Beasts dodge away from Death to cover Feng!

    Boffar: The Trees lumber slowly after Feng, and Esme Rageslayer hurts a beastman on the ground! She is sent off!

    Dark Overcoach: DAMN REF! STILL TWO FOR TWO ESME, GOOD JOB!

    Cubbles: The Immortals killer, Bilious Goat Gruff, tries to kill Mara, but only stuns her! Feng is in range of the Endzone and is stalling! Dread K.Os a beastman and the Dark Flings keep threatening the ball.

    Boffar: With the ball threatened by Mara, the Immortals Take a hit on dread, K.Oing him! Then they score! 1-0 to the Immortals!

    Dark Overcoach: WAKE THE FUCK UP DREAD!

    Dread: ZZZZZZZZZ.

    Dark Overcoach: I’LL LET YOU SCORE…

    Dread: I AWAKE! Give Ball Now!

    Dark Overcoach: NO. NOW GET OUT THERE!

    Cubbles: The Dark Flings have a short while to retaliate! Then after a riot from the Immortals fans, they have an even shorter time! Dread K.Os a Chaos Warrior, but Boris Souldeath is unable to pick up the ball and no throw attempt can be made!

    ******

    Cubbles: Welcome to the second half viewers! The Dark Flings are receiving, and again Violet Evilcookies has cooked up a storm, very distracting for the Immortals! The Immortals are starting down three men (including two warriors) to injuries, and another warrior and beastman to K.Os!

    Boffar: This angers the Immortals! They hit Mara before the ref has even blown the whistle! But she is too tough for sissies like them!

    Cubbles: Larry Deathskull catches the deep kick and Dread K.Os another beastman! The Immortals are down to seven men on the pitch!

    Boffar: HA HA HA! Boffar loves the violent tiny fat people!

    Cubbles: The Immortals put pressure on the Dark Fling cage, while rookie beastman schredder mark Darkroot off to one side. Darkroot doesn’t like this, and kills him for it.

    Boffar: HA HA HA!

    Cubbles: Led by Gruff, the Immortals keep attacking the cage, hoping for a halfling error!

    Boffar: But the Death tree hurts another beastman!

    Cubbles: Larry makes a break away to try and score fast, perhaps the Dark Flings can push for the win here!

    Boffar: But an agile Beastman knocks him over!

    Cubbles: This only slows the Dark Flings, as Lara Doompain recovers the ball and runs off with it. Gruff seems to be growing white hairs trying to hurt the halflings around him!

    Dark Overcoach: THE CHAOS GODS LOVE US MORE THEN THEY LOVE YOU!

    Cubbles: Lara Doompain scores! The score is tied at 1-1!

    Boffar: The Chaos only have a little while and seven players to score! Boffar does not like this!

    Cubbles: Soooo, you threw a rock at the Immortals?

    Boffar: Bah, he is only stunned!

    Cubbles: The Ball is collected and brought up to the line, but a beatsman fails to dodge away from Death and the ball is exposed! Dread K.Os the ball carrying beast, but a couple fo failed halfling dodges sees the game over before the ball can be recovered! The match ends 1-1

    Boffar: And 5-0 to the little fat ones in what matters most, causing injuries!

    Dark Overcoach: THE SECRET IS TO BUILD UP A PROTECTIVE LAYER OF FAT DURING THE OFF SEASON!

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2014
  3. TravelScrabble

    TravelScrabble Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,472
    Location:
    Montreal, Canada (UTC -4)
    Steam Username:
    travelscrabble
    Cyanide Username:
    travelscrabble
    Country Flag:
    Mara seems like she has a bright future with the Dark Flings, if she doesn't elope with Boffar first.
     
  4. 20phoenix

    20phoenix Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,222
    Location:
    Cardiff (GMT+1)
    Cyanide Username:
    20phoenix
    Country Flag:
    Brilliant as always
     
  5. Remthar

    Remthar Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,426
    Location:
    Downunder, GMT +10
    Country Flag:
    Dark Flings vs Wee Wannabes of Woo

    Cubbles: Hi there viewers, I’m Cubbles Greenhill and welcome back to the MootCast! With me today is a special guest all the way from Lustria, Oufaq the Slann Mage-priest!

    Oufaq: *Distant wise gaze*

    Translator skink: The great Oufaq is very pleased to be here.

    Cubbles: Uhhhh, yes! Ummmm… I though Slann were know to…ummmm… play Bloodbowl fro time to time? With a leaping style…?

    Translator skink: The great Oufaq is not one of those Slann.

    Cubbles: So Slann…?

    Translator skink: We Do Not Talk About Those Slann.

    Oufaq: *Penetrating if slightly cross eyed gaze*

    Cubbles: Moving right along! The Dark Flings are facing off against a foul skaven menace today, the Wee Wannabes of Woo. The Wannabes are a little short staffed at the moment with only 11 men, but the Dark Flings still have enough inducements to bring Mara the SLAUGHTER and Violet. Darkroot will be sitting this one out.

    Oufaq: *Insightful gaze*

    Translator skink: The Great Oufaq is a big fan of Mara’s.

    Cubbles: The Rats win the toss, but as the ball is kicked off the Dark Flings race after it! Tina Bloodcrusher punches aside a linerat and the ball lands amid a swarm of Halflings! The Rats move in and try to pressure the ball, leaving their amazingly strong rat Ogre to punch over Dread!

    Dread: I Get You For That! Then I Score, You See!

    Cubbles: The Flings attack the marking rats, with Esme Rageslayer K.Oing a gutter runner in her own right! But another Gutter shoves a halfling onto the ball and the ball bounces into his hands! Mara tries to stab him, but he ducks the blow and is able to run to safety! Death takes root, While Esme Kicks a thrower in the head K.Oing him!

    Oufaq: *soulful gaze*

    Translator skink: The Halflings are suffering attrition though, with linerats Injuring two halflings and knocking out another. The Halflings run Mara and some halfling assistants deep into their won half to try and disrupt the pair of Gutter Runners running down the left with the ball.

    Cubbles: But she is marked by the Rat Ogre, and line Rats mark the rats of the Halflings. Dread is marked by a particularly ugly Linerat, so Ugly that dread is unable to hit him at first because he is so disgusting.

    Dark Overcoach: DREAD! KILL THAT RAT AND GET TO THE ACTION!

    Dread: No! It Is Too Ugly!

    Dark Overcoach: I WILL LET YOU SCORE…

    *Splat*

    Cubbles: And the Rat is Badly Hurt!

    Oufaq: *Discerning gaze*

    Translator skink: Mara makes a heroic run at the gutter runner with the ball, dodging away from the rat Ogre, and then being chased fro half a dozen paces by a Shadowing Gutter runner before she trips just in front of her target!

    Cubbles: The Gutters run away with the ball and another halfling is injured by a linerat… but Johnny Flayman is able to drag the linerat hitting him down as well, K.Oing both of them!

    Dark Overcoach: GOOD EFFORT JOHNNY, WE CAN WORK WITH THAT! NEXT TIME TRY NOT TO LET HIM FALL ON YOU, BUT WE CAN WORK WITH THIS!

    Oufaq: *Gaze of slightly boss eyed joy*

    Translator skink: the rats have miscalculated and Mara Jumps to her feet, still in range of the ball! She races after the gutter runner and stabs him in the back as he stalls in front of the endzone! The Rat is badly hurt!

    Cubbles: Tina Bloodcrusher is able to run up to help cover the ball, but the Rat Ogre Runs after her and… well... Steps on her…

    Dark Overcoach: EH, ANOTHER ONE. GET THE MOP DARK UNDER ASSISTANTS.

    Cubbles: Mara is again able to make a ridiculous dodge to try and stab the last standing Gutter Runner, but is unable to bring him down and is shoved off the pitch by the Rat Ogre. Fortunately the Dark Flings Fans are able to cover her until she regains her feet and she is uninjured. Dread K.Os one last linerat and the Wannabes score to go up 1-0.

    Oufaq: *glassy gaze*

    Translator skink: The Great Oufaq feels that Mara would have had this one if all the Halfling weren’t holding her back.

    Cubbles: The Dark Flings aren’t out of it yet! They set upot for a throw and the crowd surges onto the pitch, beating up most of the players… but not the Treemen of Lara Doompain whom they were protecting! The ball lands badly and Lara receives a touchback, before being launched into the air… and LANDING ON HER FEET! Lara Scores! The match is tied 1-1!

    Dark Overcoach: HAHAHAHA! I KNEW DROPPING HER OFF ROOFTOP UNTIL SHE GOT THE HANG OF IT WOULD WORK!

    *****

    Cubbles: Welcome to the second half folks, The Dark Flings are just barely able to field a full elven thanks to their four Fling bench, while the Wannabes are down to 8 players, only one of which is a gutter runner!

    Oufaq: *Perceptive gaze*

    Translator skink: The Halflings collect the ball, and the Dread tree faces the Rat Ogre one on one…

    *Splat*

    Dread: Dread Is Best! Rat Ogre Is Weak. I Earned Ball. Now give.

    Cubbles: Mara stuns a linerat and Esme K.Os it off the pitch! The rats move to try to threaten the ball… but Dread K.Os another rat, Lara knocks over the last gutter runner, and Esme sends him on his way off the pitch, but is sent on her way herself by the Ref! And the rats are left with only four players! While the team surrounds and occasionally kicks the remaining rats, Lara makes he way up the pitch, covered by a sprinting Dread. After stall for a while, she…

    Dread: Mine Now!

    Oufaq: *Gaze of surprise*

    Dark Overcoach: WHAT?! NO!!! YOU DON’T ACTUALLY GET THE BALL, THAT WAS A LIE!

    Cubbles: Dread has knocked the ball from Lara’s hands! He fumbles the ball then tries to pick it up again, but fails a second time to hold the ball!

    Dark Overcoach: NOOOOOOO!!!

    Dread: Stupid Tiny Ball.

    Cubbles: Lara tries to grab the ball from in front of Dread as the whistle blows, fumbling it in front of the Endzone! The match Ends 1-1

    Dark Overcoach: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! DREAD YOU MISERABLE BASTARD! YOU COST US A WIN! YOU’RE IN THE DOG HOUSE! YOU’RE FIREWOOD!

    [​IMG]
     
  6. Remthar

    Remthar Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,426
    Location:
    Downunder, GMT +10
    Country Flag:
    Dread, the (stupid) things I do for you...
     
  7. Nikolai II

    Nikolai II Super Moderator Moderator

    Messages:
    12,210
    Steam Username:
    Dreamy
    Cyanide Username:
    Dreamy
    Country Flag:
    Ayup. Glorious if successful, stupid since it failed :p
     
  8. 20phoenix

    20phoenix Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,222
    Location:
    Cardiff (GMT+1)
    Cyanide Username:
    20phoenix
    Country Flag:
    A man that is willing to risk all for a good story is truly a man indeed.
     
  9. TravelScrabble

    TravelScrabble Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,472
    Location:
    Montreal, Canada (UTC -4)
    Steam Username:
    travelscrabble
    Cyanide Username:
    travelscrabble
    Country Flag:
    Gloriously stupid
     
  10. Remthar

    Remthar Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,426
    Location:
    Downunder, GMT +10
    Country Flag:
    Dark Flings vs Purveyors of Faith

    Cubbles: Welcome to the Mootcast viewers! I’m Cubbles Greenhill and with me today is our expert guest, Boz Badtooff! Boz is a shaman of the United Church of Gork, Mork N’ Nuffle.

    Boz: Blessinz of da three godz dearest ta an orcz ‘eart on ya Cubblez!

    Cubbles: I understand that your church is considered heresy by both the Orthodox Gork and Morkites, and by the Church of Our Lord Nuffle?

    Boz: Yeh, and everyone else too. Dey just don’t get dat dey iz an ‘oly trinity!

    Cubbles: Well thank you for coming on to the show. The Dark Flings will be engaging some Dark Elves this week, The Purveyors of Faith! The Dark Flings have a grudge against this team for Match 8 of Season 22, when the suspiciously Dark Elven ref confounded the Dark Flings at every turn!

    Boz: I ‘ope we’z can see da action, gonna be ‘ard wiv all dis Dark about…

    Cubbles: The Dark Flings are coming onto the pitch; Darkroot, Dread, Death and… What is that thing?!

    Dark Overcoach: THAT IS “MORG N’ THORG”.

    Cubbles: No it isn’t!

    Boz: Ee’z big enuff, but it lookz funny…

    Dark Overcoach: HE IS “MORG N’ THORG”. NOT THE RESULT OF A FAILURE IN MY AGILITY POTION! “MORG N’ THORG.”

    Super-Thorg-Fling: FLORG SMASH!

    Dark Overcoach: NO! “MORG N’ THORG”, NOT FLORG! BAD ABOMINATION OF EVIL ALCHEMY!

    Cubbles: The Dark Flings have won the toss, and are receiving first!

    Boz: Kick iz deep, but a scuttly little ‘un pick it up an startz runnin’! Den da Dread Tree poke a Dark Elf in da eye!

    Dark Overcoach: HAHA! GOOD JOB DREAD, YOU’LL MAKE UP FOR YOUR FAILURES YET!

    Dread: …So Can I Have The Ball…?

    Dark Overcoach: NO.

    Cubbles: Florg Blitzes a Dark Elf off the pitch K.Oed! The Dark Elves move fast towards the ball, their fast Blitzer Bane managing to beat aside Lucy Heartrender to mark Larry Deathskull with the ball!

    Boz: But da little fings push away day lone elf, an run up to a treez! Den dey jump on da ‘ead of a lineman an concuss ‘im! Da apoffecary tries ta ‘eal ‘im, but da will of Nuffle iz clear and it don’t work! Pity da ref notices…

    Dark Overcoach: WHY REF, WHY?! IT WAS JUST A FRIENDLY TAP!

    Cubbles: The Dark elves reorganise, but can’t find a way past the wall of strength on the halfling team! The forest cage advances slowly but surely…

    Boz: But dat witch elf iz beatin’ up da ‘alflingz, shez jumpin’ on dem when dey are down! Dat iz good play for an elf!

    Cubbles: The Dark Flings try to move in to give her a deserved kicking, but a failed dodge leaves Lara Doompain standing exposed next to Thattadamnbeatch! Lara leaves the pitch K.Oed…

    Boz: Da treez keep movin’, cpet dat one…

    Death: I. Will. Not. Work. With. Him. Any. More!

    Dark Overcoach: NOOOO, DON’T STOP NOW!

    Dread: You Are Just Jealous!

    Dark Overcoach: BICKER BETWEEN MATCHES, NOT DURING THEM!

    Cubbles: A cage corner… stops… but the Dark Flings are not perturbed! Florg blitzes a path forwards, while Dread anchors the rear of the cage and Darkroot supports! But the right is covered only by Barney Killfury… Who is then killed by Thattadamnbeatch! Larry is marked, but dodges away back into the safety of the trees! Thattadamnbeatch squares off against Dread with most of the remaining Purveryours team backing he up, Dread give ground once, but not twice! A Blitzer dodges into the cage to hit Larry, but Larry Stays on his feet!

    Boz; Den da little fing sprintz in da score az da treez an’ Florg smash a hole for ‘im, Smashing da hand of a blitzer as a bonus! Nuffle loves dis! 1-0 to the Dark Flings!

    Cubbles: The Trees line up to take the hits on the LoS, laughing at the elves as they do.

    Dread: Ha Ha Ha! You Are Small And Squishy!

    Boz: Da Dread Tree leanz down to taunt an assassin, an…. Da assassin stabz him in da face wiv his tiny knife! Dread Tree goez down!

    Dark Overcoach: … *Rage induced heart attack* *Dies*

    Cubbles: Looks like Dread will live, but he won’t be back this match!

    Dark Underassistants: Clear! *zap*

    Dark Overcoach: RAAAAAAAAAAAA! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DREAD?! AND WHY DO THEY HAVE TINY KNIVES IN THE FIRST PLACE?! AND WHY THE FUCK DID THE TINY FUCKING KNIFE HURT YOU IN THE SECOND PLACE DREAD, YOU GIGANTIC PUSSY! REF! WHY DO THEY HAVE TINY KNIVES?! CAN WE HAVE TINY KNIVES?! THATS IT, WE’RE BRINGING TINY FUCKING KNIVES NEXT TIME! AND WE WILL SHOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM UP THE REFEREES ARSE IF HE DARES NOTICE!

    *****

    Cubbles: Welcome back to the second half readers, slightly delayed while the Dark Overcoach was sedated. I think that the Underassistants are ignoring his orders to “Just toss Dread in a dumpster out the back, its more than he deserves” and are providing actual medical attention.

    Boz: Dem Delfz are recivin’ da ball, an dey are rushin’ da Flingz! Dey iz movin’ in to fight da Delfz near da sidelinez! Waaagh!

    Cubbles: But a little fancy footwork from Elsie Razorslaughter and a Blitz from Florg send a blitzer into the crowd, who beat him unconscious! The Purveyours decide to avoid a fight with Florg and run to pass the ball far right… But fumble it!

    Boz: An assassin iz sent into the crowd after da blitzer, an Da killa witch iz stunned an Surrounded right next to it! Den da little fligz run after da ‘oly ball of nuffle!

    Cubbles: But Whattadamnbeatch, Thatta’s sister witch elf, beats a halfling off the pitch and the Purveyor’s runner is able to grab the ball from in front of death and pass it forward for a quick score! Score is 1-1

    Boz: Da little flingz receive da ‘oly ball, an Laryy Defskull catches it! Florg rushes da line wiz a shout, an K.Os anova elf!

    Cubbles: Thattadamnbeatch goes into a frenzy and attacks tha halfling cage, but is left dangerously exposed near the sideline and… is booted off the pitch by Larry Deathskull!

    Boz: But da elfz ova witch finks dat dey didn’t need da main ‘un in da first place, she injures anova fling! Waaaugh!

    Cubbles: But the dark flings keep advancing up the left side, Florg lesd the way… and rips a lineman in half! Whatta tries to attack the fling cage from the rear, but the halfling rush forwards with Florg! Death and Darkroot tie up most of the Purveyors! The Runner, John Elbowway, tries a desperate dodge past halfling defences, but doesn’t make it! Larry Rushes forward, and hand the ball to Lucy Heartrender, who is screened off from the dark elves!

    Boz: Da Delfs try to attack, but da ‘oly trinity protectz the flings an dey score to end da game 2-1 to the Dark Flingz!

    [​IMG]
     
  11. TravelScrabble

    TravelScrabble Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,472
    Location:
    Montreal, Canada (UTC -4)
    Steam Username:
    travelscrabble
    Cyanide Username:
    travelscrabble
    Country Flag:
    Great result Rem, beating delves with flings is no mean feat
     
  12. 20phoenix

    20phoenix Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,222
    Location:
    Cardiff (GMT+1)
    Cyanide Username:
    20phoenix
    Country Flag:
    Yay Dark Flings victory!

    Boo no Dread TD :( :D
     
  13. Remthar

    Remthar Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,426
    Location:
    Downunder, GMT +10
    Country Flag:
    Dark Flings vs Mummy Dolphins

    [Inducements: Mara the Slaughterer, Darkroot Stranglebranch, Violet Evilcookies(chef), Underassistant with sharp stick(Babe)]

    Cubbles: Hello viewers, and welcome once again to the MootCast! I’m your host, Cubbles Greenhill; and with me today is expert on the Undead Moldbrain the ghoul!

    Moldbrain: Urkkhaahaahaakuakukukuuu!

    Cubbles: Ummm, yes…

    Moldbrain: Urhurhurhurhurrrrkakakakaaaa! *strange black ooze drips from mouth*

    Cubbles to off screen: Who vets these people?!

    Moldbrain: Bluhlaaaaargh…urkakakakakakaaaa!

    Cubbles: Ummm, well the Dark Flings win the toss and are receiving. The weather is cold today, I can see the Dark Overcoach is wrapped up warm.

    Dark Overcoach: ITS COLD AS A REFEREES HEART OUT HERE TODAY!

    Cubbles: But Violet Evilcookies has a real counter to the cold, her warm soup tempting even the undead to have some!

    Violet: There, drink up sweeties! Thats it, you all have some?

    Dark Overcoach: HAHAHAHAHA! WE SPIKED IT WITH HOLY WATER! YOU ARE WEAKENED WHILE WE ARE STRONG!

    Moldbrain: Kakakakakakakaaaaaa…*skronk* kaaaaaaaaaa…

    Cubbles: Huh? Oh, you’re right, there is a blizzard rolling in!

    Dark Overcoach: SCREW THE COLD!

    Cubbles: Death starts off strong, shattering the collar bone of a zombie!

    Dark Overcoach: SEE? NO EFFECT ON TREEMEN!

    Cubbles: Mara the slaughterer is here, and it seems she’s wielding… a tiny knife?

    Dark Overcoach: EVERYONE HAS A TINY FUCKING KNIFE!

    Cubbles: Mara attempts to stab the Dolphins jacked up death-ghoul Limbchewer, but it doesn’t work.

    Mara: WHY IN THE NAME OF NUFFLE’S BALLS DID YOU GIVE ME THIS TINY FUCKING KNIFE?!

    Moldbrain: Rahahahahhaaaaa..kakakkkaughuuuulllllgggggg.

    Cubbles: Lara doompain gets the ball and is safely behind the tree line. The Dolphins Mummies try to get in a fight with Darkroot. This ends badly for them. The tree’s creep forwards, Dread K.Oing a zombie. They then surround and kick Mummies to no effect a couple of times, before moving to the left.

    Moldbrain: Rakakaaaaa *Wheeeeeeze*

    Cubbles: But Lara is left standing next to a downed mummy that survives Esme Ragelsayer stabbing at it desperately with her tiny knife.

    Dark Overcoach: GAH, WHY ARE THE TINY FUCKING KNIFE SO BAD?! SHODDY GOBLIN KNOCK OFFS!

    Dread: Don’t Worry! I Save You! I Help Team! Away You Go!

    Cubbles: Lara is tossed up the pitch and away from the mummy… and is injured as she collides face first into the ground.

    Dark Overcoach: GODS DAMN IT DREAD!

    Dread: Pitch Is Too Hard…

    Cubbles: Fortunately for the Dark Flings the Dolphins ghouls are having a hard time dodging today, with the cold effecting them badly it seems. One of them is badly hurt!

    Moldbrain: Grarararrararaaaaa…siiiissssssssssrrrrrrrs

    Cubbles: …ok Moldbrain… Anyway, Mara tries to stab a ghoul, and it doesn’t work. But Death comes to the rescue! Tossing a perfectly aimed Larry Deathskull, he hits a ghoul and bring it to the ground! Fortunately Larry is only stunned.

    Death: I. Was. Aiming. Somewhere. Else. But. That. Works. I. Guess.

    Cubbles: Lucy Heartrender races across the pitch and grabs the ball! Esme runs to cover her, but trips and smacks her head into the hard frozen ground. She is badly hurt!

    Dark Overcoach: HUH. MIGHT BE THE FIRST TIME SHE HASN’T BEEN SENT OFF.

    Cubbles: A ghoul tries to dodge and blitz Lucy, but the ghoul slips and stuns itself on the pitch! Seems no one can dodge today! Lucy races to just in front of the endzone, while Dread smashes a skeleton.

    Moldbrain: Frrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaa…! *Drools*

    Cubbles: *Shuffles his seat slowly away from Moldbrain* A ghoul knocks over Mara, freeing up a wight to mark Lucy! But Mara jumps to her feet and shoves the wight in front of Lucy, who slams him off the pitch as she runs in a touchdown! 1-0 to the Dark Flings!

    Dark Overcoach: HAHAHA! GOOD JOB EVERYONE, NOW WATCH OUT FOR ANY TINY KNIVES ON THE LOS HITS.

    Cubbles: The Dark Flings set up deep, leaving the LOS to the treemen. The undead catch a high kick, a rush a ghoul forward into scoring range. Then Nazalnun the Impaler attacks Death…

    Death: Ha! Ha! Ha! He. Doesn’t. Even. Have. A. Tiny. Knife! But. Even. If. He. Did. I. Am. Tougher. Than. You. Dread!

    Cubbles: Nazalnun sticks his arms right through Death, Impaling him! THEN HE RIPS DEATH IN HALF! DEATH IS… DEAD!

    Dark Overcoach: … I… DO I HAVE BALSA WOOD TREEMEN NOW?!

    Dread: At Least You Still Have Me!

    Dark Overcoach: AAAAAAAAAARGH!

    Cubbles: Another ghoul tripping over his own feet sees the Dark Flings swarm the sole ghoul in scoring range. The Dolphins try a pass to him, but the ball is fumbled anyway.

    *****

    Cubbles: Welcome back to the second half viewers!

    Moldbrain: Geeehehehheheheheeeeeegrak!

    Cubbles: Violets cooking continues to inspire this half! The Dark Flings kick deep, and while the Dolphins are able to knock over both remaining treemen, they fail to pick up the ball! The Dark Flings rush past the undead line to try and cut off the ghoul pack from the rest of the team! The ghouls Blitz Mara, but fail to bring her down, though her return stab also fails to bring to the ball carrier.

    Mara: SCREW THESE TINY FUCKING KNIVES!

    Dread: I Know! I Not Able To Hurt Anyone Either! Can Barely Hold! I Fed Up! *Takes Root*

    Cubbles: Dread stuns Nazalnun the Impaler, dragging him off to the right. But the Ghoul pack is now able to bypass Mara, and is running down the right. Except for their second mummy Nazalmun the rotten, who blitzes and kills Larry Deathskull! With no way to stop the undead, the Dark Flings turn their eyes to Nazalnun the Impaler…

    Moldbrain: Uuuuureyyyyyyyy!

    Cubbles: Dread keeps the impaler down, and most of the remaining team including Mara gather around him and injure him! But sadly he regenerates, and Johnny Flayman is sent off…

    Dark Overcoach: DAMN MUMMIES, DIE! AND YOU TOO REF!

    Cubbles: The Undead turn all their players, apart from Limbchewer with the ball, around and massively gang foul Darkroot! Darkroot is K.Oed and the Ref doesn’t care! He seems to be admiring the skeleton cheerleaders!

    Dark Overcoach: RAAAAAARGH!

    Cubbles: The Dark Flings race towards Limbchewer! But the Dolphin continue behind them, knocking down Dread, And Gang fouling him with most of their team!

    Dark Overcoach: DREAAAAAAD! THINK TOUGH THOUGHTS DREAD!

    Cubbles: Dread is only stunned! The ref is admiring the lovely snow flakes drifting down! Limbchewer runs in the ball! The score is 1-1!

    Moldbrain: Uwrrrrreakakakakakakaaaaaaarattthhhhhhhha!

    Cubbles: Ummm… The Dark Flings only have a short while to score! Ken Fearbane catches the ball as the Flings quickly snap into action, and gets the ball in a halfling cage just behind the LOS, while Dread and Darkroot advance up the left! The Dolphins move into contact, but can’t breach the Fling cage! Mara tosses aside her tiny knife, and just punches Limbchewer in the face, K.Oing him! Dread K.Os a zombie! Ken tries a simple dodge to get the ball up to the trees… and K.Os himself.

    Dark Overcoach: NOOO! STOP FAILING!

    Cubbles: But the ball lands deep in the undead ranks. The undead disengae as much as possible, and then kick a down halfling for the hello of it. Clark is undamaged, but suddenly the ref wakes upo and sends off the offending skeleton!

    Dark Overcoach: NO. THAT WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH. I’M STILL HAVING YOU KILLED.

    Darkroot: Mummy. You think you are as good as a Treeman? You think you can push us around? You Cannot. You. Are NOTHING.

    Cubbles: Darkroot Stranglebranch grabs Nazalmun the rotten’s head in one hand… and crunch it to nothing! The Mummy is dead! …But it seems that the Dolphins crew have a spare head on standby, and the graft is taking…

    Dark Overcoach: REGENERATING IS CHEATING!

    Cubbles: The game ends 1-1!

    [​IMG]
     
  14. TravelScrabble

    TravelScrabble Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    7,472
    Location:
    Montreal, Canada (UTC -4)
    Steam Username:
    travelscrabble
    Cyanide Username:
    travelscrabble
    Country Flag:
    R.I.P Death, you were rubbish anyway
     
  15. Remthar

    Remthar Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,426
    Location:
    Downunder, GMT +10
    Country Flag:
    Always second place to Dread :( And had leveled too, during the match. Irritating.

    Larry dieing is actually annoying me more though, his kick off return was amazingly helpful, particularly against elves. Hope I roll another double soon.
     
  16. Remthar

    Remthar Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,426
    Location:
    Downunder, GMT +10
    Country Flag:
    AND HOLD THE BLOODY PRESSES! Larry is dead? Who was Larry again? I can't remember because of how cool and awesome

    LUCY HEARTRENDER!

    is!

    Who just rolled an 11? There is not enough :D in the world for this!

    In completely unrelated news, the Dark Flings will now be hiring an apothecary.

    Dread also leveled, so he now Multiblocks. Because can you really see Dread with guard?
     
  17. Nikolai II

    Nikolai II Super Moderator Moderator

    Messages:
    12,210
    Steam Username:
    Dreamy
    Cyanide Username:
    Dreamy
    Country Flag:
    Yep. But only in some sort of memory of the death of Death.

    Too bad you didn't have an apo for the little KOR guy. :(
     
  18. 2Dimensional

    2Dimensional New Member

    Messages:
    24
    Location:
    Cardiff, Wales
    Cyanide Username:
    2Dimensional
    Country Flag:
    "Its as cold as a referee's heart!"- this is why I love this blog. Comedy gold. Also, grats on the +agi fling, shame she's gonna snake eye her next dodge and die, but that's life I guess.
     
  19. Nikolai II

    Nikolai II Super Moderator Moderator

    Messages:
    12,210
    Steam Username:
    Dreamy
    Cyanide Username:
    Dreamy
    Country Flag:
    Holland (double +AG, block, +1-2 move etc.) fling bit it by going face first into the turf when trying to equalize an otherwise lost game. So that happens too.
     
  20. akirilus

    akirilus Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,459
    Country Flag:
    Accidents will happen!

    (or as I like to say it - "excellence will happen!")

    In other news - great work, Rem. I know you haven't been winning every game lately, but getting consistent results and close games out of flings, while writing entertaining match reports, is fantastic in an of itself. Doubleplusgood!