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Orc The Great Green Heroes

Discussion in 'Team Blogs' started by Remthar, Nov 29, 2019.

  1. Remthar

    Remthar Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
    “And so yet again, the city of Urgrock is left without a fire department. But you know what we’re no longer without? That’s right, a Bloodbowl team! Luz Longtooth is here to tell us more with sport!”


    [​IMG]
    “Thanks Grug! That is right, Urgrock now has it’s very own professional Bloodbowl team! During this last offseason in the OCC, negotiations were finalized for the team to move into the now renamed Great Great Stadium, previously the stink pit. The team does ask that residents no longer store boar shit there, and instead take it to the new stink pit, previously the Urgrock firestation before it burned down.”

    “The team is under new management as well for the upcoming season 14. Team Owner, Coach, Manger, Captain and Star Blitzer Rok Ard has stepped back from coaching to focus on hitting full time, and also sold a majority stake in the team to fund the teams move. The team is now owned 30% by the city of Urgrock, 30% by Rok Ard and the remaining shares are under the control of the new head coach, known only as the Dark Overcoach. He is joining me in the studio to share his vision for the team.”

    [​IMG]“Dark Overcoach, some say you look like a halfling sitting on the shoulders of several other halfling in a suit of armour? And not an Orc at all?”

    [​IMG]“THOSE PEOPLE ARE LIARS, AND WILL BE FOUND AND KILLED BY HUNDREDS OF TINY KNIVES.”

    [​IMG]“Tiny knives?”

    [​IMG]“I MEAN BY A VERY BIG ‘CHOPA’. ZUG ZUG.”

    [​IMG]“I see. It says here that you have previously coached a very successful bloodbowl team?”

    [​IMG]“YES. I WON’T TELL YOU ABOUT IT. YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME. I AM VERY TRUSTWORTHY.”

    [​IMG]“Right.”

    [​IMG]“I AM ALSO VERY VIOLENT.”

    [​IMG]“Well, the people of Urgrock will be very glad to hear that! Now, what plans do you have for the team?”

    [​IMG]“I WISH TO USE THEM AS AN INSTRUMENT FOR TAKING OUT MY RAGE ON THE WORLD. I ALSO WANTED TO SACK THE TROLL BECAUSE I DON’T TRUST ANYTHING THAT BIG. UNFORTUNATELY HE HAS A SHOCKING GOOD LAWYER AND A TEN YEAR CONTRACT.”

    “WE WILL ALSO BE KILLING REFEREES ON SIGHT.”

    [​IMG]“Interesting. Well, I and the people of Urgrock will be looking forward to the first match!”

    [​IMG]“BE SURE TO COME DOWN TO THE STADIUM, TICKETS WILL BE HALF PRICE FOR THE FIRST GAME. TRY THE BOAR BURGERS, WE HAVE A CELEBRITY CHEF PREPARING THEM.”
     
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  2. Supa

    Supa Active Member

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    Oh my this is amazing. If only I could come up with content such as this for my team blog consistently. :D
     
  3. Remthar

    Remthar Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Supa.
     
  4. Remthar

    Remthar Well-Known Member

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    Season 14 MD1 vs the Snowflake Generation (underworld coached by Keith Car)

    [​IMG]
    “...but on the other hand, Urgrock now has a new tourist attraction! And now to sports, with Luz Longtooth, Luz, today is the big day, how are our boyz looking?”


    [​IMG]“Looking good, Grug, very good! It’s a lovely day here at the Great Green Stadium and there is a big crowd for the teams first game of the season! Parking was difficult though, and the boar shit is still being removed. The cleanup took longer than expected when it was discovered that that no one can actually read any of the no dumping signs that were put up.”

    [​IMG]“Ah, yes. Urgrocks literacy rate is disturbingly low even for orc cities, with most of the residents refusing to even use picograms, polls showing that a majority of residents consider them to be ‘a bit dwarfy’’.

    [​IMG]“ANY BOARS PARKED INCORRECTLY WILL BE USED FOR VIOLET EVILCOOKIES SPECIAL RECIPE BOAR BURGERS! YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WARNED!”

    [​IMG]“Ah, Dark Overcoach, thank you for joining m in the commentary booth. What are your thoughts on this matchup?”

    [​IMG]“GOBLINS SUCK, EVEN GOBLINS ON DRUGS.”

    [​IMG]“Don’t we have a goblin on the team?”

    [​IMG]“EXCEPT HERCULES, HE’S A GREAT GUY, A REAL TEAM PLAYER AND INCREDIBLE ATHLETE.”

    [​IMG]“I understand this is the second time the team has faced the snowflakes? The last time was a bad defeat. Will you be doing anything different?”

    [​IMG]“THE TEAM WILL NOT BE LITTLE FUCKING PANSYS AND LOSE TO GOD DAMN GOBLINS WITH ME AROUND. THAT IS ALL.”

    [​IMG]“Well, that sounds like a plan to me, viewers! Now the teams are setting up, the Great Green Heroes have won the toss and will be receiving. The kick is high and deep, but thrower Parakeet gets under the ball, and in a shocking move, catches it. An unusual focus on the ball there for the team, I hope that doesn’t come back to bite them.”

    [​IMG]“I hear Fez and Dribblesnot are both here to play for the snowflakes, Luz?”


    [​IMG]“Yeah Grug, two star players! The Heroes troll, Fern, goes for fez early, trying to bring him down with a risky block, but is clobared by the ball and chain! But is seems to get tangled around him, or maybe all the boar shit is still making the pitch slippy, because shorterly after, Fez goes down disastrously!



    [​IMG]


    [​IMG]“Unsurprisingly, that is Fez out, and a big boon for the Heroes right from the start! The Heroes take advantage and move up right aggressively, keeping a loose cage as they are under constant bombardment from Dribblesnot!”


    “Yes, the bombs are flying alright, but what's this! Team captain Rok Ard leaps up to intercept one! He hurls it right back at Dribblesnot… who catches it! The bomb flies again, and...


    [​IMG]


    Black Orc Walnut catches it as well! The bomb flies back again, but Wulnut is not the most accurate htrower, and the only person who gets knock over is Blizter Crocteeth! But what a play! The crowd enjoyed that one! Maybe the passing game would be more popular in Urgrock is it always involved explosives!”


    [​IMG]“HUH. MAKE A NOTE OF THAT, DARK UNDERASSISTANTS. IT COULD BE A GOOD IDEA.”


    [​IMG]“Basil injures a goblin, and Captin Rok Ard knocks out another, and the Underwolrd are struggling to even stay on their feet. With black orcs breathing down his neck, Dribblesnot can’t make a shot, and is eventually injured off the pitch by line orc Uva Wut. In desperation, the underworld zap Parakeet with the wizard they hired, and it seems the thrower is pretty conductive, as he is toasted and badly hurt!


    “But the underworld have little opportunity to get at the ball, and blitzer shadez pick up the ball to run it in safely at the end of the half.”


    The Snowflakes make an aerial attempt in the closing seconds of the first half, and it looks good until they are unable to stick the landing.”

    *Half time*
     
  5. Remthar

    Remthar Well-Known Member

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    *****

    [​IMG]After the halftime riot and control of the pitch is regained by the teams, the second half begins!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]“The Snowflakes push up the side and make a long pass right over the head of Captin Rok Ard, resulting in a fast equalizer! The crowd are not happy about this one, the elfy stuff was fun when it was bombs, but throwing the ball is surely cheating? The referee allows this controversial move however, and the Heroes set up for their own drive.”

    “The Heroes move into aggressive contact, and are rewarded by an early blocking failure from the skaven. This rapidly leads to the claw blitzer being surfed, and most of the underworld on the ground! The rat is pushed into his own section of the crowd though, so his fans merely beat him unconscious.”

    “The Underworld are outnumbered and overpowered, and most of the team feign death. The Heroes give the opposing troll a couple of kicks for good measure, and blitzer shadez scores again! A 2-1 win for the home team!”

    [​IMG]“ANOTHER WIN DUE TO MY BRILLIANT TACTICAL GENIUS!”

    [​IMG]“Great to hear, Luz, and congratulations to our boys! Now, back to the news. While the new sinkhole in downtown Urgrock is claiming several buildings, it may be a blessing in disguise, according to experts, as it is extinguishing some of the wildfires that have been raging through Urgrock since the loss of the firestation…”

    The team after MD1

    [​IMG]
     
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  6. Remthar

    Remthar Well-Known Member

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    Season 2 MD2 vs the Jacksonville JagWAAAGHs (orcs coached by JamesJenks92)


    [​IMG] “-but as a silver lining, even as traffic accidents spike with a thirteen boar-chariot pile-up on the Urgrock motorway, the unseason and possibly mystic blizzard has at least put a temporary halt to the wildfires that had been engulfing the city. On to sports, Luz, how will the blizzard effect the team’s chances?”

    [​IMG] “Thanks Grug, I am here with the Dark Overcoach to ask just that question! Dark Overcoach?”

    [​IMG]”I AM KEPT WARM BY THE PURITY OF MY HATRED FOR THE OPPOSING TEAM.”

    [​IMG] “What our team?”

    [​IMG] “I HATE THEM TOO, BUT A LITTLE LESS.”

    [​IMG] “I uh, meant preparation for the snow?”

    [​IMG] “OH THAT. YEAH, WE’VE BEEN HAVING COLD WEATHER TRAINING. I THINK WE’LL DO WELL.”

    [​IMG]
    A photograph from Great Green Heroes cold weather training.

    [​IMG] “That’s great then. Onto the match!”

    “This will be a mirror match against the Jagwuaaghs, Orc on Orc, a real Challenge! Yes, orc vs orc, in the snow!”

    [​IMG]
    “If anyone can tell what is going on, please contact Urgrock City News.”

    [​IMG]“Well, I think our boys have the ball first and are going up the side. The largest mound of snow is leading the way, I think that’s Minty? If so, he’s doing well! On the left side, who of the green and white shapes is now stained red and not moving anymore, looks like someone’s down? One of ours?”

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]But One of there’s has stopped moving as well, either knocked out or frozen solid! Then Parakeet charges an orc in a slippery and vulnerable position, sending him intot he crowd! The crowd don’t notice him in the snow, but unfortunately some timberwolves that have entered the stadium under cover of the snow do, and the poor player is carried away by them!

    [​IMG] “FEAST, MY MINION, FEAST!”

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] “Rok Ard goes on a rampage now, injuring more players and knocking out another! You can see why he’s team captain with that display! The ball is tossed to Chartreuse and run in! The JagWAAGHs are badly outnumbered, and the half ends 1-0 to the Great Green Heroes!

    ****

    [​IMG] “The Heroes start the second half kicking, and perhaps too overconfident despite a three man advantage, as they kick wildly and give up a touchback.

    [​IMG] “Don’t worry Ladz, I have a kunning plan!”

    [​IMG]
     
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  7. Remthar

    Remthar Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG] “Following Rok Ard, the Heroes charge into full contact! With reduced numbers, the JagWAAAUGHs have a hard time knocking them back, and most of the team is quickly bogged down. Blizter Urgnik makes a sprint up the sideline, and almost gets away, but Line orc Uva Wut plows through the snow like it just isn’t there to block his path!


    [​IMG]


    [​IMG] “Datz the way Wut!”


    [​IMG] “Wut?!”


    [​IMG] “Urgnik makes a dash for it, but despite some impressive footwork, it tackled down trying to break through. The remaining JagWAAAUGHs are trapped down and are unable to stop a short pass from Parakeet to Chartreuse for a touchdown, ending the game 2-0 to the Great Green Heroes!”
     
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  8. TravelScrabble

    TravelScrabble Well-Known Member

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    This is some of your best ever work
     
  9. Remthar

    Remthar Well-Known Member

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    Thanks TS. I accidentally discovered that google docs hosts pictures and screenshots with 0 work from me, hence the new format. It's fun!
     
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  10. sbr32

    sbr32 Well-Known Member

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    This is fantastic Remthar! Which league is this?
     
  11. Remthar

    Remthar Well-Known Member

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    OCC, completely forgot to put that anywhere! I'll put it in the title any maybe make a post about the team soon