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Vampire [UKBBL] Bloodlake Brawlers

Discussion in 'Team Blogs' started by Squall, Dec 3, 2014.

  1. Squall

    Squall Member

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    It had been a hard life in the premiership and the press had finally caught up on the comings and goings of Squall. After the Vipers had been shut down for almost every reason that could be possibly thought of and a quick vacation on the run, a solution to his many problems had been found. This solution as always was money, glorious money, a barrel load of the golden variety in fact. The main problem with money is that the people that control the money always want something and this was a lot of money.

    Squall sat on a less than comfortable chair occasionally shifting in the hope that it would ease his arse ache. Either side of him two men, constructed only from giant muscles, stared blankly at him. They had been introduced as his bodyguards but jailers was a better term for their real role. All attempts at communication had either fell on deaf ears or dumb brains because there hadn't been a response. Any attempt to stand had a more forceful reaction, which was to pin him quite firmly back to his 4 legged rump torturer.

    A fair amount of time passed before finally the door behind him opened. A lanky pale man glided through the door and continued his impossible movement until he "landed" in his seat. His seat would be better described as a throne though, thick padding designed to make all others entirely envious. In front of him was a desk with some important looking documents which Squall had been attempting to read upside down for the last hours.

    "Thank you for waiting so patiently. Let us be alone" The black clad figure commanded and with a flick of the hand the guards were gone and the two figures were alone.

    "Not like I had much choice in the matter" Squall managed.

    "Of course you have a choice. Your choice was limited to sitting down quietly or being tied down"

    "Who are you anyway? One night I was on a ship back to my homeland and next I am being given over to your goons"

    "We prefer the name willing slaves. I am Lord Zuriel Von Dullest and the owner of the Bloodlake Brawlers"


    "I must congratulate you on being their newest coach. I expect good things Mr Squall"

    "And if I say no?"

    "We paid a lot of money for you but we could find other jobs. I hear their is space on the team as a half time snack"

    "Ah one of those choices again"

    "Indeed, I have taken the liberty of drawing up a contract for you. If you would sign here... here and..... here.

    Squall quickly read the documents finding unsettling phrases such as "expected promotion", "serious consequences" and "Lifetime servitude" but what option did he have. He looked around for a pen finding nothing but a needle.


    "Ah yes, we sign everything in blood here... in blood"

    "May I ask why?"

    "How else will we track you down should you attempt to escape"

    Being Druchii he was normally happy at the thoughts of slavery but he had never envisioned himself being at the other end of the chains. Still how hard could it be to succeed with Vampires on the team... I mean with Dark Elves it had been so easy...
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2014
  2. TravelScrabble

    TravelScrabble Well-Known Member

    Montreal, Canada (UTC -4)
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    Good luck Squall, I'm a little envious.
  3. Larkstar

    Larkstar Active Member

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    As long as he keeps only rolling 1's and 2's for his Gold rolls, he'll be fine. :D
  4. Dionysian

    Dionysian Well-Known Member

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    nice - lost the other vampire coach, but gained two (better) ones. I'll have to make sure I promote this season to stay ahead as I suspect you're both going up.
  5. Squall

    Squall Member

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    Only my Necro suffer from that lol

    Lets hope it is all fun :D

    Well I don't play vamps much but the first lot of games might be pretty terrible depending on the amount of block I face. I think Itchen, Fantas and me are all going Vamps, so expect two more in teir 3!
  6. Squall

    Squall Member

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    First training sessions are never very productive but this was worse than could be expected. Although not cuffed his incarceration was very real with the pressure to succeed being very deadly. Upon entering the training arena/dungeon he noticed only four players actually training and a group of men staring into space or something beyond space. After inspecting the hall for any means of escape he gave in and approached the group of vampires.

    "I am Squall and to you guys I am SIR Squall", he attempted to command.
    Eight hungry eyes swivelled towards the now shrinking druchii, it was clear not many attempted this line of approach with them. One of them seemingly the team captain, there was a number #1 emblazoned on his shirt, put the record straight. "I am LORD Hellbent, this is SIR Vicious, COUNT Cruel and DUKE Dangerous. At most we will be willing to call you COACH but by no means will we call you something as superior as BOSS".

    Squall was stuck in place and wasn't willing to push his luck any farther, "Well when it comes to bloodbowl you best listen to what I have to say. What do you know about the game?"

    "You demand the ball off the other team and put it into the end zone", Count Cruel suggested

    "I think you will find more resistance than that"

    "How dare anyone oppose us! And even if they do we are stronger and more graceful then any mortal player"

    "I don't think you will be finding any respect on the field... dirty tactics is mostly what blood bowl is about"

    "Back in our local leagues it is a gentleman's sport, cheating is cheap and nasty" muttered Sir Vicious

    "Not sure where you played before but expect clawed fists, greased balls, crowd thrown rocks and boots to the face"

    "Boots to the face, surely faces are off limits", Duke Dangerous exclaimed.

    "Give the ref enough money and chainsaws aren't off limit"

    Squall left the clearly confused Vampires picking up a discarded ball. He walked over to what could only be called the vacant masses. Throwing the ball to the nearest thrall he expected some kind of reaction but it merely bounced off his face. A small amount of blood dribbled from his nose and dripped onto the floor. Within moments Count Cruel was onto the unknown player, draining him of most of his blood. Squall sighed.... 4 pompous skill less know nothings and a bunch of sleep walking meals... this is going to be a looong season or a quick death.

  7. Squall

    Squall Member

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    Judgement Day

    Tick... Tock.... Tick..... Tock...... Tick....... Tock........
    The clock ticked and tocked at an ever decreasing rate as Squall sat their trying to make up as many reasons for failure as he could. So 4th place was not bad but it was not an automatic promotion that had been demanded of his demented over lord. He had been walked into Lord Dullest's office by his lackey and forcefully inserted into the chair of unreasonable uncomfortableness and told to wait.
    Tick......... Tock.......... Tick........... Tock............
    Yup that clock was doing it on propose, the more tense the situation the longer the gaps. He swore the whole place was enchanted just to cause maximum dramatic effect. Long tall windows with thin curtains that blow in the slight breeze, the creek of the floorboards and the decapitated head of the last coach in a jar on the book shelf. At long last when Squall had nearly fallen asleep the throne in front of him was suddenly filled with vampire.
    "ARGH" , Squall shouted falling off his chair.
    "Please do be seated we have a lot to get through", Lord Zuriel Von Dullest purred happy at entrance’s reaction. He had in fact been waiting just for the right time for maximum affect. As the Druchii sat back on his chair he continued, "Let us review the season shall we... game by disappointing game"
    "Well it wasn't all bad"
    "I'll be the judge of that. In fact I am the jury and executioner, so please do start with the first match"
    "It went ok"
    "You lost"
    "Well we forgot to feed the teams before the match and well they spent most of the game doing that instead"
    "You lost to a bunch of girls"
    "I would say at least women... but the next match was better"
    "You did win but I wouldn't say it was against the hardiest of opposition"
    "A win is a win! So what if it was against a walking forest a bunch of sandwich guzzling hobbits"
    “Still hardly impressive”
    “Well we beat the high and mighty spoon up their arses elves. So two victories back to back!”
    "You success did not last long though did it"
    “You fully well know that us Druchii lie and cheat to the fullest, what chance did your noble vampires have against that?”
    “Why do you think you were put in charge?”
    “My excellent man management skills? My charming personally… ok maybe not that.”
    “To win at all costs.”
    “We got back to winning ways, those short arse bearded idiots didn't know what hit them!”
    “But what about their lankier cousins?”
    “Well we scored but unfortunately so did they.”
    “A mere human team allowed to draw against a mighty vampire team!”
    “Well the might of the vampires was kind of let down by blood feast during the game”
    “And what excuses can you have for the next match”
    “They have a freak”
    “He is still a short freak”
    “Short but legend of the game!”
    “Hopefully the season improved after that farce”
    “It most certainly did! First we out played some disgusting gobbo, rat things with an affinity with claws.”
    “Doesn't sounds too challenging”
    “Well somehow they managed to find themselves as league leaders at the time”
    “And the next match”
    “This was a match or true coaching brilliance and masterful coaching if I do say so myself”
    “I do believe the skinks fell over a lot holding the ball”
    “Yes that is true but still”
    “and we had to pay out huge amount of money to hire both Morg and my good friend the Count Luther”
    “Well those lizards were mean”
    “not forgetting a effective wizard, which are hard to come by”
    “yes… yes… but also brilliant coaching?”
    “… and the Elves”
    “Soundly thrashed”
    “except you nearly lost”
    “except nearly losing to the bottom side, soundly thrashed”
    “and the last match”
    “The opposition seemed to have fled the country in fear”
    “ah well where does that leave us”
    “4th on TD difference”
    “Luckily for you and your hold on life, the league has many quitters above you. It seems that you will be promoting after all”
    “What about a raise?”
    “You life is not enough?”
    “What about a bed with sheets not made out of cardboard and a mattress filled with rocks?
    “Food that isn't just black pudding mixed with spam?”
    “What is wrong with spam, spam, spam, black pudding and spam?”
    “Maybe spam, spam, eggs and spam?”
    “Get out before I reconsider the bed!”

    Squall scampered off to as quick as his aching buttocks would allow. Next season maybe he could negotiate windows….