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Underworld [UKBBL] The Undercheesers

Discussion in 'Team Blogs' started by lawastooshort, Sep 12, 2014.

  1. lawastooshort

    lawastooshort Member

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    David Bowie lay there – again – dazed and really quite confused about exactly how it had come to this.

    Well, exactly how it had come to very specifically this, with him and many of his friends lying about on the bloody grass was quite obvious: this… “coach” was an idiot, these midgets’ hats were an atrocity to behold that by their very atrociousness could cause grown men to collapse to the floor, and Lou Reed the over-excitable ratling blitzer should never, never have put his head down and charged straight forward at that minotaur for a 1d block without a reroll. Everything had gone wrong from there on, and even the cheeses had started having a lie down. It was hard being a troll and having an unshakeable addiction to hideous quantities of nuclear-strength cheese.

    He wondered quite what a “reroll” was, and his mind drifted back a little further.

    He and quite a number of his equally musician friends were just kind of hanging out round his place, taking on something the kids called a “cheese bucket challenge” – ostensibly for charity, but really for pleasure, as Bowie was (it was well known) a cheesefiend of the highest order, as indeed many rock stars from the 60s and 70s were.

    It seemed to him that the last thing he remembered, before falling into a world of terrifyingly violent “football”, as his more American friends called it, a world filled with strangely hairy musical companions and anthropomorphised cheeses, was finishing off his fourth kilo of vintage stilton and passing out from cheese-sweats-induced dehydration.

    And now he was stuck here, in a bad trip badder than anything the early 80s had ever thrown at him.

    His “coach” told him, quite convincingly – although Bowie had to assume that he was just a figment of his delirious imagination (but then, just why had it hurt so realistically when that hobgoblin repeatedly stomped on his head while he was having his last lie down?) – that the only way out was to play this “football” until he beat the cheese. To become one with the cheese. Until he was no longer under the cheese, an Undercheeser, but over the cheese. An Overcheeser.

    He had no idea what this meant.



    Welcome to… The Undercheesers!​


    Or; The Tale of a (nearly) Absolute Beginner Playing Bloodbowl with a Team of Incompetents!​

    Hopefully in a season or two some of them won’t be quite so incompetent, but we’ll see. I’ve played not much more than a dozen competitive games of Bloodbowl in a private league, joint-won the first undefeated with Skaven, and then started again with Underworld. I’ve asked myself more than once if this is because I am an idiot, but have been convinced by the illustrious Underworld coaches on these very forums that Underworld can not just be very good fun to play, but can also, you know, win games and stuff. Even when the opponent’s average height is even more than yours.

    So this thread, which I’ll see how well I can maintain, is to chart the progress of my first attempt in UKBBL. Season One (or rather 19) sees the Undercheesers start in Altern Forest East: Tier 4.

    Match One saw the Undercheesers lose 2-0 to some chaos dwarfs, but nobody died and we won 60,000 euros to spend on more cheese, so all in all it was a decent result.


    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2014
  2. St Cloud

    St Cloud Well-Known Member

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    good stuff & good luck
     
  3. 20phoenix

    20phoenix Well-Known Member

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    Shall be following this with interest ;)
     
  4. lawastooshort

    lawastooshort Member

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    So. Altern Forest East. Major league blood bowl brackets Tier 4. The Big Time. The-

    Oh. Even the next most inexperienced coach has played 6 times more games than my 28!

    For my first season, my opponents are...

    - An 1800TV Khemri team with a killer Blitz-ra. I've only player Khemri once, and lost because I had a cheese-related mis-click which put the ball carrier as the spearhead of the cage, which didn't end well. It was a guaranteed draw at least otherwise, but I'm not still bitter.

    - A 1580TV Nurgle team, which I'd prefer not to have to play.

    - A 1490TV Chaos Dwarf team, which I've already played, so can't get out of.

    - An 1130TV Ogre team. Ogres are actually the last team I have to play in my rookie Underworld season in my private league and all I know is someone's going to die and I will be ashamed if I lose.

    - The rest are 1000TV like me. First are Wood Elves with the very experienced and good record-ed MysticJon at the helm. Think they already have dead elves after MD1 though, so that's nice. I've played (superior TV) Wood Elves twice as Skaven, W1 D1. I don't like them.

    - Others are Undead, Chaos, Underworld (already taken a death), Lizardmen, Goblins, and finally Halflings. I've played (superior TV) Chaos before as Underworld, and comfortably drew; I've also played Goblins and Halfings and massacred my way to victory.

    So! That's the enemy, now onto the lads!

    More often that not, David Bowie the Warpstone Troll is too confused about his sudden new life as a blood bowl player to contribute a great deal, but he is in fact the spiritual heart of the team.

    Roy Orbison and Lou Reed, two of his close friends, have been transformed into Skaven Blitzers by the mighty power of too much stilton, and they are joined by Frank and Nancy Sinatra, the father and daughter Linerat team. The non-stunty brigade's numbers are made up (although their position is a lot more glamorous and vital than this suggests) by the creative duo of Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison, who Dave is fairly sure were round his house at the time he passed out from cheese.

    Or did he imagine his entire previous life, and in fact it's his career as a singer-songwriter-rock/popstar-Bowie that is fiction, and his burgeoning career as an elite bloodbowl performer that is fact?

    He'll probably never know.

    His close friends Stilton, Cheddar, Wensleydale, Cheshire, and Shropshire Blue make up the goblin faction - Stilton is in fact the only player in the team to have distinguished himself so far, 2d against charging down a hobgoblin ballcarrier last game and sending him flying (unfortunately unharmed) into the crowd.
     
  5. Werebat

    Werebat Well-Known Member

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    Welcome to Underworld, the funnest ride in Blood Bowl! Feed those blitzers and get them both MB ASAP!
     
  6. lawastooshort

    lawastooshort Member

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    Thank you!

    This week's match is the "Unde" derby as the Undercheesers play TV1000 Chaos team Undefeatable.

    The coach Don Juan has opted for a 3 chaos warrior / 1 minotaur / no apothecary roster and won his last game via no-show default. I drew my only ever game as Underworld vs (superior TV) Chaos 1-1 reasonably comfortably, but it'd be nice to aim for more than a draw.

    Any particular advice?
     
  7. Borke

    Borke Well-Known Member

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    Dodging Goblins vs. unskilled Beastmen / Warriors? Brilliant matchup for the Goblins! Don't be afraid to mark his beasts with Goblins (where needed), you shouldn't suffer too much attrition. Use the freedom you gain this way to do some "hand off and run" stuff on your own drive. On his drive, if you can force him into the sidelines, that'll probably work well for you, provided you can control the Minotaur (e.g. by sticking a Goblin next to it, in a direction away from the action).
     
  8. lawastooshort

    lawastooshort Member

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    Thanks - yes, I don't think I'll mind putting goblins on any of his players.

    That reminded me of the only pre-match question I had - I have 70k in the bank. I think I should save it in case, but is there any argument for buying a spare goblin? I am at 12 players, so I don't think so?

    But I suspect if any beastmen or minotaurs fall over, I might foul them a tiny bit.
     
  9. Borke

    Borke Well-Known Member

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    It depends a bit on how important winning is to you. I'd say the extra Goblin increases the chances of winning ever so slightly, cause you'll lose a few during the game to foul ejections and failed dodges, and he is another body. But in the long run, it might be better to save a bit of gold first.
     
  10. lawastooshort

    lawastooshort Member

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    I'll try and do an IC post when I have more time, but...

    First points on the board for the Undercheesers!

    I managed to snatch a 1-1 draw from the jaws of total failure, blitzer Lou Reed with the vital Turn 15 no-reroll 2d pow, pick up in the rain, and flee out of range with a GFI combomove, ably assisted by the troll David Bowie smashing his marker off him first.

    It was tense, and -ST thrower Jim Morrison is currently being retired by Bowie in the changing rooms, with a nice cheese sauce.


    I kicked off first half and rolled a Blitz, and I don't think I did very well out of it. With a skaven team, if I had to, I'd commit hard with gutter runners and hope to score from a Blitz at kick off.

    What's the best thing to do with Underworld if you get a blitz?

    Because it should be a good thing, but I don't trust my mobility enough to commit that much (I got 2 skaven next to and a goblin under the ball - he caught it, but it didn't really help) and I feel I'm just disrupting my defensive line, making it easier for the bashier enemy to break it, quite literally in Jim Morrison's case.

    I'd quite appreciate any advice, so much so that I considered starting a thread about it in the main league tactics forum, but didn't.
     
  11. lawastooshort

    lawastooshort Member

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    David Bowie was tired.

    He hadn't spent half as long last match lying about on the floor as he had done against the bearded midgets last week, and to be entirely honest he wasn't quite used to this level of exertion – he must have ambled at least thirty feet this game!

    In fairness, a minotaur had also given him a nasty smash in the head from which he'd needed the close attention of a Cheesebabe to recover, and, in more fairness, he'd been pivotal in salvaging a draw from a match that looked rancidly lost.

    The game had started well – for at least thirty seconds. Nancy Sinatra had kicked the ball, and followed it into the Chaos half, dragging along Cheddar the Cheesegoblin who amazingly managed to catch the ball Nancy had wafted into the air! But then a hideous beastman (not that that's particularly useful as a description: every opponent the Undercheesers have faced so far have been violently physically repulsive) smashed Cheddar down, and although it took a few turns to sort themselves out, the Chaos slowly began caging their way down the Undercheesers' left flank after busting through a melee the Underworld were slowly but surely losing – Jim Morrison's collarbone being the most notable casualty. Doc Cheese offered to smash the poor thrower's brain in with his patent Doc's Hammer, but got distracted by a passing cheese, and forgot.

    So, Chaos scored a pretty routine score, and the Undercheesers had a turn to throw a goblin down the pitch to equalise, if anyone could pick the ball up. They couldn't – both Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix, the two throwers, were off the pitch.

    Which made it even worse when it started raining underground at the start of the second half!

    Numbers were even, thanks to a mixture of brutality, fouling, and the Undercheesers' bringing Shopshire Blue the Cheesegoblin on, but although Frank Sinatra picked the ball up with no problems and gave it a good smearing of gorgonzola, the Undercheesers' attack kind of broke down without really getting going.

    Eventually a beastman popped up with the ball down the Undercheeser left, and headed back to the centre to cage up and protect the 1-0 lead. It was the sensible thing to do, but this was where David Bowie and Lou Reed stepped up and proved their lust for cheese!

    First Frank Sinatra managed to knock the Chaos Warrior marking him and Lou Reed back, freeing Lou Reed the Blitzer to blitz the beastman ballcarrier into Bowie, whose massive fists stunned him out!

    The ball went lose and a goblin marked it, and Frank Sinatra, Bowie, and two cheesegoblins made a line between the Chaos and the ball - with the ball nearer the chaos endzone than most of the chaos team! Then something happened, but Bowie couldn't quite remember what, being in a bit of a feverish daze having smelt the cheeseball. Long story short a beastman marked the ball.

    But Lou Reed wasn't in a feverish daze!

    No!

    His mind was clear: he shouted to Bowie to smash the beastman off his back, shouted to Wensleydale to mark the beastman marking the ball, and then he dashed off to smash the beastman to the floor!

    Without a second thought, Lou Reed picked up the ball – in the pouring rain without a reroll – and sprinted away to the endzone!

    Bowie didn't know what Turn 15 meant, but it was Turn 15.

    Lou Reed sprinted slightly further than he normally might, making him safe from all but a single marked Chaos Warrior, watched his friends and cheeses get smashed for another turn, and then ran in the equaliser!

    GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!

    Davie Bowie went completely mental!
     
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2014
  12. Nikolai II

    Nikolai II Super Moderator Moderator

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    This is why I like to hold the troll back, next to a rookie goblin, when kicking. (Fly little goblin - fly into mah bellieh)

    But it depends - sometimes maybe you shouldn't put too many players at hunting the ball, if it costs you. Still, holding the ball gives you a chance to score, so should be tried for, no?
     
  13. 20phoenix

    20phoenix Well-Known Member

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    I'll generally commit one flank of my forces to closing down the ball (the side closest), bar progress on the other then finish by lobbing a goblin to the expected landing spot. Your speed means even if it fails you should be able to get your pieces back to defend within a turn or two
     
  14. lawastooshort

    lawastooshort Member

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    David Bowie was confused. He suspected it was something to do with a large pot of what he’d been told were gherkins, and an exceedingly large block of cheese so ripe it looked more like a pancake than a block. He hadn’t been able to use his cheeseknife; he’d had to use a straw. He looked back with fondness.

    Anyway. He was sure he’d been meant to play blood bowl against a team of something called ogres last night. He was sure it hadn’t happened, because he had no recollection of it whatsoever, but standing there before him was the proof that it must have happened: a large pot of money. Nobody was injured though, not even the smallest cheesegoblin, so that was confusing, but not half as confusing as the extra heads that had grown overnight on the shoulders of cheesgoblins Shropshire Blue and Wensleydale. Perhaps the match hadn’t happened, and all the lads had spent the night eating the damned runny cheese – except for Lou Reed, who, it seemed, must have spent the night pumping cheese into his fists, which suddenly looked a good deal mightier than the day before.

    Everything felt very strange.

    Bowie went for a lie down. He thought he’d need the rest before the next game. Midgets and trees, apparently. He’d already seen stranger stuff.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Got an admin win from a dropped out player; Lou Reed the blitzer got Mighty Blow and two cheesegoblins got Two Heads. The SPP could hardly have fallen more generously, hitting both players who already had SPP, if I recall. Halflings up next, but with some recent poor and/or unlucky results in my other league I'm not feeling particularly positive about it...
     
  15. lawastooshort

    lawastooshort Member

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    David Bowie is currently very disappointed to have lost 1-0 to Corkir's halflings the Lancashire Hotpots. Corkir (is obviously much more experienced than me, as is everyone in UKBBL :) ) played better - I attacked without any real thrust, left a ballcarrier by the sideline at one point, and stalled so poorly I ended up not scoring after a failed rerolled 3+ dodge.
     
  16. 20phoenix

    20phoenix Well-Known Member

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    No shame in this - she is a very good coach and her favourite team is underworld too so she will be good at exploiting their weaknesses.
     
  17. lawastooshort

    lawastooshort Member

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    David Bowie was very disappointed. The coach had told him that they would be able to beat a bunch of midgets, but no. The lads (and the cheeses) had held them off for nearly the entire half, but then a bloody flying halfling was flung and then bang – they skipped away from the nearest Undercheeser, danced away on hairy pudgy tiptoes, and jogged over the line for a touchdown. Then the git of a ref blew for halftime.

    The next half, Bowie didn’t even see the lads catch the ball deep in their half – some fecker in the crowd threw a massive rock at his face, knocking him out. Worried about the team’s prospects without their mascot, the coach sent the doc running onto the pitch with a sack of smelling salts and told him not to leave the pitch till the big man woke up: it worked, but it still took a good few minutes before Bowie could stand.

    In the meantime the new thrower, Ray Manzarek, had been faffing about with the ball in his own half when suddenly a Halfling flew through the air, and suddenly another one, or two (it was difficult to keep track) appeared. The lads rushed back and forth, generally fecking around – they eventually got rid of the halflings, although more due to the midgets smacking themselves unconscious after tripping than any actual blocking skill on the part of the Undercheesers.

    Rather than concentrate on attacking hard down one side – David Bowie thought to himself, analysing events whilst taking a lie down again – the Undercheesers went first one way, then the other – stupidly not going straight for the fast score which would have at least given a chance at victory. In the end they attacked down the left, getting caught in an enjoyable bit of a ruckus, and then Ray broke free with the ball, only for some git of a star player called Zara to manage to dodge through the crowd, mark him up, and trip him as he jumped away to score.

    1-0 to the midgets.

    Gah.


    Next up – tonight I play Wood Elves coached by MysticJon, who won the premier league a few seasons ago and is currently 3-0-1. Not hoping for much from this one, really. Still, his team’s a bit battered, and I’m considering taking an extra goblin for fouling. I’m not sure of the TVs though, I think mine is 1060 against his 1030 (he has a strip ball WD), but he has mercs to come in and I’m not sure which of his players are out this game.

    Currently have 12 players – Cheshire and Shropshire Blue are both Two Headed Cheesegoblins, Lou Reed a Mighty Blow blitzer.
     
  18. 20phoenix

    20phoenix Well-Known Member

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    Mighty blow blitzer should have fun v AV7 rookies
     
  19. lawastooshort

    lawastooshort Member

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    I am not sure - is it best to target the unskilled linesmen to make room, or the wardancers because they are most dangerous?
     
  20. Nikolai II

    Nikolai II Super Moderator Moderator

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    Mighty blow and no tackle - definitely aim for unskilled linemen every turn you don't have a good shot at a ballcarrier or something important.